How would you feel if you found out that your former spouse was dating someone who was still in high school? Would you try to intervene, or stay out of it?
This 33-year-old woman and her 32-year-old ex-husband got divorced two and a half years ago. It didn’t exactly go well, but now they’re on good terms with one another.
She was the one who actually started the divorce, and she and her ex have two kids together; one is in preschool, and the other is in elementary school. She and her ex have joint custody of the kids, which she dislikes.
She’s convinced her ex has bipolar disorder, though he is undiagnosed. She also says he’s a narcissist who tends to make her and their kids ‘ lives hard since he’s not predictable with his behavior.
“Since he’s starting dating again (pretty much as soon as I walked out the door when we separated), I’ve been encouraging. He hasn’t been serious enough with any of them to introduce them to our kids, but he’s been with the person in question for several months and decided to do so,” she explained.
“As per our separation agreement, he invited me over to introduce us. I was more than happy to meet her (I welcome any distraction that gets this man to leave me alone) and even offered beforehand that he could give her my number in the event all three of us needed to communicate about the kids.”
“She and I exchanged a few pleasant texts, and she seemed normal, although my ex had implied she was a college student. I figured ‘pfft, typical,’ because he’s been dating ~10 years younger since we split, but whatever. I would be thrilled for my children to have another caring adult in their lives.”
When she did get the chance to meet her ex’s new girlfriend, she was chatting with her and asked what college she went to, as a couple are close to where they live.
Her ex and his girlfriend exchanged awkward glances, and then her ex admitted she’s still completing her final year of high school!
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She was shocked, but kept it together. But ever since finding out this fun fact, she’s been struggling with what to do. She wishes she had said something in the moment, but it’s too late now.
She has actually cried about how her ex is taking advantage of this poor girl. She’s opened up to her family members and friends about how young her ex’s girlfriend is, but has gotten mixed opinions.
She’s not positive if this girl is 17 or 18, but in their state, 16 is the age of consent, so all of this is perfectly legal. Her ex’s girlfriend recently followed her on social media and appears to have a rough life.
“While I didn’t expect my ex to be so disgusting, I’m not even really upset with him. I am just completely devastated for her,” she said.
“It’s worth noting that my kids have met her many times at this point, with my eldest having a fondness for her. They said they do homework while she does ‘college’ work, so I know my ex-husband has lied to them about her age.”
“They seem to enjoy her company so far, and I absolutely never ask about what goes on at ‘Dad’s house,’ so this is all information they tell me of their own volition. I work very hard to talk positively about my ex-husband to my kids.”
She’s left wondering if she should locate this girl’s mom and dad and anonymously tip them off to what she’s doing. It has also occurred to her to stay out of this, but if she had a daughter dating a much older man, she would want to know.
She’s pretty sure this girl’s parents don’t know she’s dating a guy who’s close to twice her age. It’s not like she can tell her ex’s family and they will do something, since they all hate her.
But at the end of the day, she’s not seeing a solution that will end in anything but straining the relationship she has with her ex, and she is scared of him.
“I would be admittedly a little fearful if this pointed back to me. She also said she’s going to college next year in another state, so this relationship could be temporary anyway,” she continued.
“That’s not to say there won’t be more teenage girlfriends in the future, at least. What should I do? Thanks for reading. It’s been a very stressful few years, and I’m very tired.”
Well, whatever she does, she shouldn’t let it get back to her ex if she tries to end the relationship. So, if she feels the need to tell this girl’s parents, she should anonymously reach out to them, but that would be the only thing I would recommend here.
Unfortunately, since what her ex is doing isn’t illegal, I don’t think there is much she can do, and she also risks setting him off if she takes a stand or tells him what he’s doing is wrong.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
