We like to think marriages end over massive, earth-shattering betrayal, but sometimes, they die in the quiet, mundane moments of everyday irritation.
Two years ago, this 30-year-old woman got married to her 28-year-old husband, and yesterday, after they had finished having dinner, her husband had dirt on his foot that he placed on her leg.
Luckily, she had pants on, and she jokingly said, “ew” while putting the dirt back on her husband. Her husband relocated the dirt to her, and then she took a French fry and rubbed it on his arm in a playful act of retaliation.
“He then got very serious, and I could tell the joking atmosphere was gone. I asked him why he looked so serious, and he said that it hurt cause the salt on it is hard and it scratches his skin, and that he recently showered and now was dirty again,” she explained.
“I was very confused at first and said I didn’t rub it very hard. He got very upset and took one to ‘show me how hard I did it,’ and then proceeded to rub it so hard the fry got squished, and it left a red mark on my arm (it’s still there multiple hours later).”
“I told him I didn’t rub it nearly as hard and showed him the red mark he left on me while he didn’t have a mark at all, and said my fry was still intact while his was entirely squished. He kept on insisting that I did it like that and that it hurt, and I should wipe his arm and apologize.”
Initially, she declined to do that because it felt too insane to her. But she then caved, wanting her husband’s meltdown to be over, and said sorry before promising not to rub a French fry on him ever again.
Her husband argued that she only said sorry because he made her do it and that her apology was insincere. She admitted she didn’t think she had to apologize to him for what she did since she was only joking, and so, of course, she wasn’t being genuine.
Her husband questioned her about whether she would find it ok for him to rub a handful of French fries on her face, and she stated she didn’t think that was the same as her rubbing a single one on his arm.
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Her husband told her that since she found what happened funny, he would make sure to retaliate, and they kept on arguing. She eventually burst into tears and left their house for a couple of hours.
“We haven’t said a word to each other since I came home. We’ve had lots of similar situations in our relationship, and sometimes I think we’re just too different,” she continued.
“I feel like I always need to be careful with my words or actions, and that anything could upset him. I really don’t want to get divorced, but at this point, I’m starting to wonder if it’s worth it to keep on living like this, to fight about stupid stuff like this all the time.”
“It just sucks. I’m not saying I’m the perfect partner, and I can be a bit insensitive and dismissive sometimes, but I feel like this is silly.”
She’s left wondering if she was a jerk to have rubbed a French fry on her husband’s arm in the first place.
Well, I don’t think she’s a jerk, but I think he is. How irrational to freak out over a fry. Her husband’s immature and nasty. Why did he even put dirt on her in the first place?
I know she doesn’t want to get a divorce, but why stay in their marriage if this kind of behavior is normal for him?
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
