I’m sure you’ve heard of the proverb “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence,” which means that we, as humans, do have a tendency to believe that other people have better, happier, or more fulfilling lives than our own.
Sometimes we think that by leaving life as we know it behind or breaking up with our spouse, we will find something even better. Sadly, that plan didn’t pan out for her husband, but it’s too little too late.
This woman spent exactly 11 years and 3 days married to her husband before he announced that he was leaving her. It was a Sunday when her world came crashing down.
She was making lunch at home, and her husband sat her down at the table in their kitchen and stated he was leaving. She never even knew that he was so unhappy being married to her. It’s not like he had ever indicated this to her.
Her husband was her very best friend, and to have their marriage end in a matter of 10 minutes was just devastating to have to deal with.
“He said he’d been feeling stuck for a long time and only stayed with me because he was scared of the alternative. I’d been encouraging him for years to see a career coach or a therapist,” she explained.
“He’d done two sessions, then handed in his notice the next week. He packed three suitcases, took half of our shared art collection that mattered most to me, and moved to Lisbon to ‘live differently.'”
“He wasn’t interested in couples counseling or in talking. He said he needed space to find himself. Fast forward a year. I thought I’d be absolutely destroyed by this. But I’m not.”
She’s gone out on some dates and made some brand-new friends. She gained 10 pounds and lost 20 pounds. She figured out how to afford her car and her house, despite making 30% less money than when she and her husband pooled their incomes.
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She actually can say she’s enjoying her life. She’s happy. Of course, she is grieving the life she pictured having with her husband, but she has hope for finding someone new.
A week ago, she finally received an email from her husband that she would have killed to get in the first three months following his departure from their marriage.
“He says he had a kind of long midlife panic attack. He regrets it. His life in Lisbon has fallen apart; he has nothing left, his savings are gone, and all his friends and family back home are barely speaking to him because everyone here knew the marriage from the inside and was furious with him,” she continued.
“I was the best, most amazing wife. He didn’t know what he had until it was gone. He wishes he could erase the last year. If I told you it didn’t affect me at all, I’d be lying to you.”
“Neither of us is naive enough to consider reconciliation; it would never work, I’d never trust him, and he’d never make it up. But when I opened that email, I didn’t need it. I no longer needed it. I no longer need him, and that has got to count for something.”
Well, the grass is greener where you water it, isn’t it? It’s a shame her husband learned that after a year, but I feel proud of her for not entertaining the idea of taking him back.
If someone discards you like that, that’s a kind of mistake that can never be fixed. I don’t think her husband’s email even warrants a response.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
