Growing up in a household where your parents actively despise each other is hard enough, but imagine them being simultaneously obsessed with presenting a flawless, golden-couple image to the public.
When you are caught between a mom who uses you as a puppet and a dad who views you as a project to be managed, how do you figure out who you actually want to be?
This 16-year-old girl is an affair baby. Her 55-year-old dad was an executive at a particular company, and her 40-year-old mom was working an entry-level job there.
Her dad was married to someone else, had an affair with her mom, and she was the result of that. Her dad and his wife did not get divorced over her existence.
Her dad did not have other kids with his wife, and at first, he didn’t care that she existed at all. He did pay her mom child support, which he thought was enough.
“When I was 7, he divorced and married my mother. Divorced a year later. Reconnected another year later and then remarried,” she explained.
“They kept fighting my whole childhood. He was physically aggressive with her, and sometimes she was too, with him, like throwing plates.”
“Shouting every day. I have no idea why they got married, TBH. They hated each other with a passion that it’s hard to describe. In public, they were perfect, a golden couple.”
In the 16 years since she has been on this planet, the dynamic between her parents has not shifted. As for her mom, she knows she never loved her. Her mom has only ever viewed her as a pawn in a game.
Her mom absolutely baby-trapped her dad, and she even bragged about this after her dad accused her of doing it. However, she has a harder time managing her dad than her mom, believe it or not.
Her dad expects her to be absolutely perfect. He wants her to be the best in everything. He wants her to be the fittest and the most intelligent. Her dad is tall and in great shape and swims to maintain his body.
She’s not tall, and she’s of average weight, but you can definitely tell if she packs a few pounds on.
He never bodyshamed me or made mean comments, but I feel he judges me if I eat pizza or other junk food from time to time. He pays [for] an expensive private school. He pushed me into too many things: playing piano, violin, swimming, and at the top of it, he wants me to study hard and get the best grades, and keeps telling me he wants me to make him proud,” she continued.
“This man didn’t care I existed in the first years of my life. Mum drinks, is depressed, and he is running my life. I trust him and love him, but it’s too much. He is the general manager of a company and also manages one of its branches in another country.”
“But he wants to have control over everything. He goes on business trips for 2 weeks, and every evening I need to call him and give him a full report of my day. My teachers also need to call him every month about my results. I feel alone.”
She’s left wondering how to deal with both of her parents.
She has so many opportunities here, and she should take them! She needs to look at herself as lucky to have so many things her dad has given her.
She can definitely figure out what she loves or wants to be when she grows up through all of these activities and opportunities; she just has to shift her perspective.
Speaking of her dad, it sounds like he’s treating her more like an employee than a kid, and I think it’s just because he forgot that he was once young.
She should sit down with her dad and let him know that she’s only going to learn by being allowed to make mistakes, and that nobody is perfect.
It might be helpful for her to remind her dad that she isn’t an employee, she appreciates what he does for her and the love he has for her, and that she would really like to have a bond with him that’s more human and less professional. I think that will go a long way.
Regarding her mom, that woman is a mess, and she should work more on developing her relationship with her dad, while steering clear of her mom.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
