Parents deserve to win awards for surviving the teen years. But if you were struggling to get through to your defiant teen, what would you do?
This 30-year-old woman has a teen daughter, and she has utterly given up on trying to raise this kid. She’s a single mom, which is hard enough, and on top of it, her daughter is just making her lose all hope.
It all started with her daughter being defiant. For example, she would ask if she could help with the dishes, and she would say no. To punish her, she took away her cell phone.
After her daughter declined to clean her room after that, she held onto her phone as punishment. Instead of her daughter being motivated to do chores and get her phone back, she’s gone in the opposite direction and is now not doing a single thing.
“When I asked her why, she simply said, ‘What’s the point of doing anything? I don’t have my phone, and taking it isn’t going to make me want to do my chores,'” she explained.
She informed her daughter that the whole point is that she is not going to let her get away with her bad behavior. And to be fair, she does reward her daughter for doing the right thing.
If she would just help out, she would easily get her phone back. Ever since her punishment backfired, everything has spiraled, and she has no idea where to go from here.
Her daughter’s room is disgusting and looks like a hoarder lives in it. She had to go in and clean her bathroom because it was that atrocious. She’s worried bugs were about to take up residence in the bathroom if she hadn’t stepped in to fix it.
She’s also been doing all of the dishes alone, which wears her out after returning from being at work all day. She then decided to cancel her daughter’s phone plan, hoping that would convince her to pull her weight, but she’s being stubborn.
“I can’t kick her out because she is a minor, but I am completely out of options. I have tried every form of discipline, and she just doesn’t care,” she continued.
“No matter what consequence I throw at her, she rolls with the punches. It doesn’t matter how much it costs her personally or how it affects her life; she won’t listen to anyone. Even physical discipline doesn’t work.”
“It is exhausting to face this cycle every single day. My relationship with her father isn’t great, so I don’t have anyone else to turn to for backup. I truly feel like I can’t keep doing this.”
She’s left wondering how to get through to her daughter.
Listen, teenagers are terrors. I’ve been one, and I’m surprised my mom didn’t give me up for adoption. It sounds to me like she’s overwhelmed, supporting their family, and then coming home to tension with her daughter, with no support.
Wanting to kick her daughter out over them clashing is extreme. I wonder if her daughter is struggling with depression since she can’t get through to her.
It might be a good idea for her to get her daughter to a therapist, and for her to see one separately.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
