Recently, TikToker @alanabayb was diagnosed with OCD, specifically relationship OCD. She and her boyfriend had been together for about 10 months. They moved in together very quickly, around four months into dating.
When she got into the relationship, she knew she had an anxious attachment and that he was avoidant. Now, he has asked her to move out, so she went back to live with her dad.
“When I need safety, I lean in,” she said.
“When he needs safety, he pulls back, hence him asking me to move out. And whatever you’re thinking, I’ve already thought of it. I know that this is going to both physically and emotionally further separate us, so I really don’t know what’s going to happen to our relationship because we’re not really communicating right now.”
They had just gone on their first vacation together, and her OCD had been intense and overwhelming for him to the point where he either wanted space or to break up. She started going to therapy and is focusing on figuring out her medication and her own healing journey.
Her compulsions with her relationship OCD come in the form of seeking reassurance through asking questions.
It sounds pretty harmless, but it can be damaging to the relationship, especially when it’s the same questions over and over again. She would ask him if he was betraying her or cheating on her, and that seemed to have taken a toll on him.
“I think those affected him personally and very deeply because he took them, as he perceives them, as slights against his character and his integrity, and those are like his paramount values from what I know about him,” she explained.
She also pointed out that their vacation was supposed to be relaxing, but it was actually super stressful for both of them since they were around each other for five days straight. When they returned home, he was in shutdown mode, and they needed space from each other.
In the end, she decided to break up with him after moving out. The day that she broke up with him, they had made plans to spend the day together.
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He canceled their plans that same morning. He was busy and needed to take care of some things, so the cancelation was justified.
Eventually, she texted him about having an open conversation to decide whether or not they should break up. He thought that she wanted to end things because he had canceled their plans.
She explained that it was much deeper than that. He told her that it sounded like she had already made her decision.
She did not respond, and he texted again an hour later to let him know if she planned on saying anything else. Again, she told him that she wanted to have a conversation. When he seemed confused, she stopped responding to him. So, it’s safe to say that their relationship is over for good.
By Emily Chan
Emily Chan is a writer who covers lifestyle and news content. She graduated from Michigan State University with a degree in... More about Emily Chan
