She didn’t marry for money; she married for love and a partnership. But what she got was a man stuck in a pattern of destruction.
And now, a decade later, she’s stuck trying to figure out what’s worse: losing everything she worked for, or admitting that love was never enough to stop him from blowing their marriage up.
Back when this 46-year-old woman met her 43-year-old husband, she was a single mom, owned her own house with decent equity, and had a job that paid her quite well.
She was entirely capable of providing for her two little kids all on her own, even though that doesn’t mean it was a cakewalk for her.
As for her husband, he didn’t own a house or anything of importance, and he had debt due to student loans. So, she was actually more financially stable than he was. They got married ten years ago, and things weren’t easy for them.
“After we got married, we did have a couple [of] pregnancy losses, one of which was our son, who died at 2 days old, full term,” she explained.
“That was extremely hard on both of us, but I had to rally to be a mother to my children [who] were still living and to provide for them.”
“Fast forward a few years to Covid and unmanaged depression after the loss of our son, my husband lost the first $160k ++, which he ended up confessing to me because he had maxed out his credit cards and had nowhere to turn. I was beyond devastated and betrayed.”
She had worked her heart out as a single mom to provide for her kids, and her husband lost it in an instant, gambling. He swore to her that he would never gamble again, and he forked over all of his login information for all of his credit cards so she had full visibility into what he was doing.
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They ended up having to take out a home equity loan in order to pay down the 30% interest her husband had on all of his credit cards.
Eight months after that, she discovered that her husband lost an additional $70,000 to, you guessed it, gambling yet again. Not only that, but her husband spent $30,000 on his credit cards and took $40,000 out of his 401(k).
She kicked her husband out of the house, and then he admitted that he had lost his job. So, in total, her husband has lost more than $250,000.
As for why she hasn’t left her husband after all of this, it’s complicated, she says. She will ruin her social circle and the lives of her kids, and she’s not positive she’s willing to do that, even though her husband destroyed everything she built.
“Even talking about this just makes me sick…we’re financially drowning, and I don’t even know how I can leave. We did end up having a child together, and she is now 6,” she continued.
“I hate splitting up the family for her and the older kids, who have already been through so much. But I literally…hate him most of the time for what he’s done. He’s become a total [jerk] and rarely shows remorse.”
“It’s like he’s a complete coward and can’t come to grips with the reality of his life. His mom is now dying of cancer, which is horrible, but I’m still so angry, and he’s not working, so now he has no money coming in to pay off all his massive debts, and I feel like I’m left holding the bag.”
Her husband is in therapy and getting help from an addiction specialist, but she’s not sure that’s enough to save their marriage after the damage her husband’s done.
I hate to say it, but filing for bankruptcy and a divorce at the same time sounds like the best option for her and for her kids as well. If she is interested in giving her husband a second chance, then a separation and separate bank accounts would be my recommendation.
Perhaps she could also pursue a postnup to protect her house and additional assets from her husband. This is certainly a sticky situation to be in.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
