If your mom not only failed to protect you as a kid, but also put you at risk on top of it, would you ever be interested in having a relationship with her in the future? Or would she be dead to you?
This 18-year-old girl’s parents got divorced when she was five, and a few months later, her dad passed away. Her mom was dating her now-husband back then, so she hurried up to marry him so they could have a true family.
Her mom’s husband was also divorced and had four kids with his ex. These kids mainly lived with their own mom, but a year into the marriage, they began equally splitting their time between their mom’s house and her mom’s house.
She witnessed and heard all about how bad her stepsiblings’ mom was. Her mom’s husband battled that woman for years, fighting to get full custody of them.
She hated her stepsiblings because they took all of their negative emotions out on her. The oldest kids would hold her down and let the youngest bite or stomp on her.
“My mom knew, and she would tell me to stay by her all the time, and she’d ask me not to hold it against them because they were going through a lot,” she explained.
“But that happened over and over again because I couldn’t stay by my mom’s side 24 hours a day. She wasn’t there at school or when I went to bed. I shared a room with one of the older kids, and I dealt with a lot there.”
“But also over time, my mom would encourage me to do my own thing and not stay by her side 24/7, and it opened me up to more abuse from her stepkids.”
When she was 14, her stepsiblings permanently came to live in their house, and she pleaded with her mom to protect her from them or not force her to live with those kids.
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Her mom argued that her stepsiblings deserved to have a safe place to live, too, and promised things would improve. She made it clear to her mom that she did not feel comfortable living with them, but her mom didn’t listen.
It infuriated her mom when she said she obviously didn’t care about her. She ended up running away and tried to move in with her grandparents.
CPS got involved, and she was placed temporarily in a foster home. Ultimately, CPS returned her to her mom, but on the car ride back, she got out and walked off.
She told CPS she would continue to run away if they made her life in that home. They spoke to her mom alone in their office, along with her grandparents.
“Mom wanted me to go back to her, but for safety reasons, it was decided against her wishes that I should be placed with my grandparents,” she added.
“The woman from CPS went back to the house with my grandparents for my stuff, and it was all destroyed by the kids already. They tore up/cut up photos, my clothes, and my stuffed animal collection.”
“I guess it kind of opened up the eyes of the woman from CPS because I was supposed to do counseling with my mom, but after she came back with no stuff for me, she never mentioned it again.”
She’s spent over four years living with her grandparents now, and she really has had little contact with her mom. The court ordered her to speak to her mom on the phone once a week, but a year ago, they reduced it to once a month for a couple of minutes.
Ever since she turned 18, her mom has been touching base with her more and pushing her to fix their relationship. She even told her that she needs to be the one to put an end to ruining their bond, and she tried to make her feel guilty for not living with her one surviving parent.
She went to various therapists over the years, and while some tried to convince her to reconcile with her mom to an extreme level, others said it was up to her.
“But the whole thing messed with me enough to make me second-guess if I’m too harsh. During one of our calls, my mom expressed how sad this whole situation made her, and she said I had a sad outlook because I told her my safety as her real child should have come before her marriage and her husband’s children,” she continued.
“She still cared only about the abuse her stepkids faced, or that’s how it feels to me. I’m looking for advice on whether people think I should try with my mom or not, after everything I have said here.”
Shame on her mom for allowing her stepsiblings to treat her in the way that they did, without standing up for her or doing the right thing. Thank goodness CPS took her seriously and got her out of that house.
Her mom did prioritize her husband and stepkids over her, and that’s so wrong on so many levels. She should cut contact with her mom, because who needs enemies when you have a mom like that?
She owes her mom nothing, and clearly, her mom will never wake up and see the error of her ways.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
