Dating is supposed to be about figuring out compatibility before anyone gets too invested. It’s when you notice the small things that might turn into big things later, such as habits, values, lifestyle choices, and decide whether they’re workable or not.
But if you go out on a handful of dates with someone and take note of something that will prevent you from being a good couple in the long-run, is it wrong for you to say something? Do you owe them more dates before making that conclusion?
This man has a female friend who thought he would really hit it off with one of her coworkers, so she set them up on a date. His friend promised they would be a perfect match, and so he met this girl for coffee on their first date.
It went so well that they planned their second date for a week later at a botanical garden. But on that second date, this girl revealed something that made him realize they’re just not meant to be.
“While we were at the botanical garden, she told me about her peanut allergy, which she described as life-threatening. I told her that must be stressful, and she said it was. We arranged for a lunch date this week at the end of the date,” he explained.
“After that date, I started thinking. I love peanuts and eat them all the time. I put peanut butter in/on a lot of stuff, including my dog’s toys, which he drags all over my apartment, getting invisible peanut oil everywhere, I’m sure.”
“I can’t see a potential relationship with this woman ever progressing to a serious stage without me changing my diet and habits.”
So, he knew it would be wrong to string her along and take her out on another date, knowing they wouldn’t end up as a successful couple because of her severe peanut allergy. Also, he didn’t want to be selfish and keep seeing her.
He called this girl up and apologized, stating he had to cancel their third date. This girl wanted to know if he wished to pick another day for their date, and he said sorry once more before admitting he couldn’t picture them being a good fit.
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She wanted to know why that was, and he didn’t lie to her. He responded that he enjoys eating peanuts, and he would feel too worried about that hurting her.
“She said there were a lot of safety precautions we could take to keep her safe, and I admitted I know that but don’t want to do them,” he added.
“She said ‘wow’ and told me I’m immature. I apologized again, but she hung up. She told my friend what happened, and my friend is confused by my reasoning. She said her coworker said I’m a massive [jerk].”
“I don’t feel like I am. We only went on two dates. Two dates [don’t] imply any commitment. I asked her if she agrees I’m a [jerk]. She said she’s not sure, but that my logic is ‘definitely weird.’ Do you guys agree?”
I think he was being fair to her in not wasting her time, and I’m surprised she can’t see that. They are simply not compatible, and there’s nothing wrong or mean or bad about his acknowledging that.
The reason why we even date people at all is to determine if we’re compatible or not, and someone needs to make sure she doesn’t miss that memo!
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
