Love isn’t always enough, and there’s no way around that hard truth. Loving someone doesn’t always mean you’re compatible with them or that you can find a way to seamlessly integrate into their life.
For her, walking away from a truly wonderful man came down to one painful realization she couldn’t ignore: tragically, love can’t always find a way.
This woman’s most recent boyfriend was actually the perfect man. He loved her with all of his heart, and she felt the same way about him.
He made her feel desired and cared for. He had a full-time career, and still managed to cook and clean in his off hours. When they were together, they were an incredible team.
They dated for nearly a year, and while they never lived under one roof, she spent so much time at his house that it felt like they did.
“And the passion…? I’ve never had someone make me feel like that. I’ve never felt so seen in my entire life. I’ve never truly felt like someone actually cared for me until that relationship,” she explained.
“But about 4 months in, I met my ex’s child. I was warned ahead of time that the child has ADHD and that my ex was a single parent, but that their parents help.”
“I’ve always liked kids, and I’m also ADHD, so I thought the child and I would hit it off. Especially since I saw a future with this person, and that also means accepting their child. I was dead wrong.”
Everything was fine in the beginning with her boyfriend’s kid, and they got along well. She wasn’t trying to play the role of a stepmom or put herself into a box, but she was warming up to the idea of the child.
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However, as things progressed, she got worried about how comfortable her boyfriend’s kid was with her, but she pushed her feelings away and reminded herself that she envisioned a future with this man, so she needed to come to terms with his kid being a part of that picture.
After all, it wasn’t like she could tell her boyfriend to ditch his kid and choose her instead. That’s not exactly a realistic ask.
“I greatly overestimated just how much of this child I could handle. The ADHD was too much. I couldn’t handle the constant noises, and defiance, and just watching my SO constantly letting this kid get away with stuff because of the ADHD,” she added.
“Those weren’t the only issues, but those were definitely contributing factors. And knowing I couldn’t really intervene because this isn’t my child. And also knowing that I don’t think I’d be able to handle this child full-time in any capacity whatsoever.”
“But I didn’t want this relationship to end because it made me so happy otherwise. But I knew it wasn’t fair to him, the kid, or myself to keep this going.”
So, she ultimately left her boyfriend approximately a year ago because she couldn’t deal with his kid. She absolutely hates that no man has made her feel so loved since him, and she struggles with a lot of regret, despite knowing deep down this was the best outcome for them all.
I feel terrible for her for giving up such a great love, but it was a selfless thing to do, and the best decision in the end. There’s nothing worse than a stepparent who hates their partner’s child, and that seems to be the direction this was trending in if she stayed with him.
Dating a single parent means they’re a package deal, and if you can’t handle that child, it doesn’t make sense to force the relationship, because nothing but ugly feelings will come of it.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
