There absolutely is a healthy way of fighting in a relationship, and it’s a skill everyone should set out to master. It involves condemning the issue instead of attacking the person you’re disagreeing with.
How would you feel if, whenever you got into an argument with your partner, they reminded you about all of your failed romantic connections instead of focusing on the underlying cause of the disagreement?
This 27-year-old woman has spent the last several months dating her 22-year-old boyfriend, and the honeymoon phase is officially over.
Whenever she and her boyfriend fight with one another, he brings up her exes or her missed connections, and he throws that in her face.
“We’ll get into arguments, and he’ll mention ‘[ex’s name] treated you like trash and threw you away, I treat you like a diamond,’ or that ‘[guy who ghosted me] didn’t…want you,’ or ‘[guy I dated years ago] didn’t want your…he rejected you,’ and it feels… cruel,” she explained.
“I don’t want my exes in any capacity, nor am I in contact with any of them, but it feels needlessly cruel to remind me constantly that I was thrown away/discarded/cheated on/ghosted/rejected, and I don’t know how to bring it up to him that it hurts when he puts it that way.”
“He’ll accuse me of still wanting them and how the only reason I’m not with them is because they threw me aside/didn’t want me/etc.”
She says she’s fully aware of what her boyfriend is dragging up in regards to the men her love life didn’t work out with. She’s completely cognizant of the fact that one of her exes treated her like complete garbage.
She knows she’s been ghosted and rejected by countless guys, and she is appreciative to be with the boyfriend she has now in comparison.
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However, she hates that he nonstop brings up how men from her past wronged her, particularly since it only comes up in arguments.
“I told him about my past for transparency’s sake, and so he could understand why I’m sensitive about certain things, but it feels as though he relishes reminding me of it in the harshest way possible,” she continued.
“Am I too sensitive? How can I bring it up without being accused of wanting them again?”
Any man who treats a woman well doesn’t rub her nose in it, so her boyfriend claiming to treat her like a diamond while dredging up every man who ever rejected her is not cool.
I wonder if he’s not treating her well at all, but she’s accepting it, since it’s better than what she’s used to. He’s attacking her character and intentionally tearing her down by trying to make her feel bad about herself with his weird tactic.
Arguing is completely normal in a relationship, but being with a partner who goes out of their way to show you that you’re worthless is not.
I think she should dump this guy because he’s a manipulative jerk who’s just as bad as her exes, yet pretending not to be.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
