Using a spreadsheet for dating is definitely an out-of-the-box move. For some, it could be a sign of a romantic interest paying attention to the details; for others, it might be viewed as overthinking things that should just be felt.
If you found out that someone was keeping a spreadsheet about you, would you view it as a helpful way for them to remember the facts that matter or as a sign that they’re over-complicating the way people actually connect?
Two weeks ago, this 24-year-old woman matched with a 26-year-old man on a dating app, and he came across as pretty average. He has a wonderful career, he’s funny via text, and he didn’t give off any bright red flags.
Last Friday, they had their first date, and they went out for drinks. Their date itself was truly incredible, and they spoke for four straight hours.
She was having such a good time that she completely forgot to check her phone; she was so immersed in their conversation and this man.
“He remembered small things I’d mentioned in texts (my cat’s name, my favorite band). I thought he was just attentive.
Then we went back to his place,” she explained.
“Nothing happened, we just watched a movie. At some point, he went to the bathroom and left his laptop open on the coffee table. I swear I wasn’t snooping, but I glanced over and saw an Excel sheet.”
“The title was ‘Date Log – [My Name].’ I know I should have looked away, but I didn’t. I saw columns like ‘interests,’ ‘dealbreakers, ‘questions to ask,’ and even ’emotional availability score.’ He gave me an 8.5.”
She thought it was super bizarre, but she didn’t tip him off to the fact that she saw the spreadsheet. When he came back from the bathroom, he wasn’t acting odd.
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The remainder of their evening was alright. It’s been a few days since their date, and he’s still texting her while showing interest.
She would love to go out with him on another date, as their attraction was off the charts. However, she can’t quit thinking about his spreadsheet.
“Is he a psycho or just a data guy? He works in finance, so maybe it’s just his personality. But also, who scores someone’s ’emotional availability’ on a first date?” he wondered.
“I asked my best friend, and she said run. I asked my brother, and he said, ‘He’s just organized.’ I don’t know what to do. Should I bring it up to him or pretend I never saw it?”
“And if I bring it up, how do I even start that conversation without sounding like a snoop?”
Maybe I just have too many data-oriented friends who use spreadsheets in their personal lives, but I don’t find this weird at all. Many people process information better when it’s laid out in this format.
I think she’s reading too much into the spreadsheet. He’s basically using it like a diary, so what’s the harm? There is none!
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
