In preschool, we pretty much all learn to keep our hands to ourselves and respect those around us. But for some people, those basic playground rules are apparently treated as optional suggestions. If someone tried to frame a blatant lack of consent as some kind of test on a first date, what would you do?
This 25-year-old woman went on a terrible date recently, and she’s left feeling like she’s primarily responsible for that, although she didn’t do anything wrong.
So, she matched with a 31-year-old man on a dating app, and before she agreed to go out with him, she made it clear that she’s not looking for a casual relationship and doesn’t enjoy hooking up with strangers. He was sympathetic to that, so when he asked her out on a date, she said yes.
“I’ve been getting into hiking lately, so I suggested a hike on the first date. BAD IDEA. I was in the middle of Yorkshire with a stranger, and when we had reached a quiet spot on the hike, he got really heavy-handed with me and made his way under my skirt,” she explained.
“Naturally, I freaked out and shoved him off. I got dead upset with him and basically slowly edged the ‘date’ back to a public spot without upsetting him. He was apologetic and then said he was testing me.”
“He said if I’d have slept with him, he wouldn’t have contacted me after (not that it ever would have happened). But do men actually do that? I think it’s a pathetic excuse.”
She has absolutely no interest in going out on another date with this man because she hates that he tried to give her a crazy test.
Also, she thinks that if he was looking for a girl who would sleep with him so soon into knowing him, he could have gotten that elsewhere instead of doing what he did after she already told him her boundaries.
This man isn’t looking for a partner; he’s trying to find a victim who won’t fight back. There is no version of a healthy relationship that begins with a physical ambush.
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What he did was entirely predatory and disgusting. She should at the very least report him to the dating app she met him on so hopefully they will take his profile down.
And I’m totally not trying to shame her, but going hiking is a horrible idea for a first date with a stranger. Who knows what can happen when you’re in a remote location with a man you don’t know? It’s just a dangerous situation to put yourself in.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
