Generosity is a noble trait, but it loses its shine when it’s reserved exclusively for the person your partner is supposed to have left behind.
If your partner proved they were capable of showing up for their ex and child but not for you, would you see it as noble co-parenting or a total lack of respect?
This 33-year-old woman has been with her 36-year-old fiancé off and on since 2018. But in 2022, they made things serious again and have been together ever since.
Her fiancé has one child from a previous relationship, and 21 months ago, they welcomed their son. Since their son is still quite little, he wakes up frequently in the middle of the night.
Her fiancé refuses to get up to help care for their son, as he says he can’t afford to be tired at his job. Yes, his job is important, and so she’s been accepting of her fiancé letting her tackle that alone.
But a few days ago, her fiancé launched himself out of bed at 5 a.m. and rushed out the door half an hour later (which she could see on their camera). She had no idea where he was headed.
When she spoke to him on the phone later that day, she stated she had no clue he was going to the gym so early, and he admitted he had driven to the airport with his child.
“Knowing the child wasn’t riding the plane alone, I reiterated, ‘Oh, you took them to the airport?’ Long story short, after knowing he had paid for the flights, paid for the hotel, paid for the sport event the child is competing in, he wanted to take them (his child and ex) to the airport,” she explained.
“I later on told him I don’t want to hear an excuse ever again, not waking up with our toddler, if he can do airport runs before work.”
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Her fiancé has never once taken her to the airport, as he claims he’s not really the kind of guy to do that. She really is still mad at her fiancé for prioritizing his ex and helping get her to the airport.
He got defensive when she called him out, which escalated into a blowout fight. They are currently not talking to one another, and she hates to say it, but this is becoming a pattern: her fiancé fails to tell her about what he’s doing for his ex.
“…He overcompensates financially for his ex in every way. We’ve had way too many conversations about the same issues, and I just don’t know what to do,” she continued.
“Additional context is that he had me give my child’s father an outstanding amount of boundaries, but he stands by that he will never have boundaries with his ex.”
It does seem like his ex is more important to him than she is, and that’s hurtful. He’s also prioritizing his firstborn over the child they have together.
It’s also not sitting well with me that he lacks transparency when it comes to his ex and just isn’t interested in helping with their child.
He’s a hypocrite who lets her pull all of the weight in their family. Why does she want to have a partner like this?
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
