How would you feel if you didn’t know your spouse was unhappy and got blindsided by them asking for a separation, only to have them say they’re ready to date other people?
It was eight weeks ago when this 37-year-old woman’s husband tipped her off to him being miserable in their marriage. She could tell something wasn’t quite right, so she questioned him about it, fully expecting him to say he was getting fired or something.
Her husband then sat her down and revealed that he’s been unhappy with her for literal years on end. Now, tomorrow will be their seven-year wedding anniversary, and they have been with one another for close to 15 years in total.
Also, they have a five-year-old child together who is on the spectrum. She’s been forced to spend the last couple of weeks telling everyone that she and her husband are separating, and she’s not alright.
“He told me he doesn’t want to try to fix anything, [and] had plans of moving out. We’ve come to the agreement due to our kiddo, to continue living together but have separate spaces, continue sharing expenses, etc.,” she explained.
Since then, she and her husband have been going to couples counseling every week, and it’s not in the hopes of being able to revive their marriage; it’s simply so they can effectively coparent and communicate about their child.
Back in October, she had to get a hysterectomy because of her endometriosis, and she had a lengthy discussion with her husband prior to the surgery about their plans for children. She actually did want to have more kids, but her husband wasn’t interested in that at all.
“I told him if something ever happened with us and he went and started a family with someone else, it would break me; he knew at that time he wanted to leave, but stayed silent,” she added.
“I made the decision to move forward with surgery because I thought we’d always be together, and he was set on not having other kids. He told me 3 weeks ago he wanted to start dating ‘soon’. I’m devastated.”
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She can’t sleep or eat. She’s battling anxiety and depression and takes medication for that. Her parents have been sick and in the hospital, which has also prevented her from processing her separation from her husband.
She finally had a moment of peace and quiet, only to have her husband solidify that he’s moving on and is interested in dating other women.
She’s terrified of dying alone. She desperately wants to be loved, and she’s devastated that her husband no longer wants her, since he was the man she always thought she could trust.
“How didn’t I know he was so unhappy? I don’t even know how to go about getting my footing; meanwhile, he’s ready to date,” she continued.
“Has anyone been through this? How did you find your [happiness]? He’s a great dad, and I really have the goal of us being friends so we can be the best coparents possible. I hurt.”
I wonder if her husband already has a woman in mind to pursue, because that would explain the aggressive timeline on him wanting a separation and then jumping to date.
She really needs to ask her husband to move out of the house, as I can’t see her healing and moving on herself if they’re still living together.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
