If your partner fell in love with some stranger at the gym and then tried to manipulate you into allowing them to start something romantic with that person, would you still want to stay married?
This woman’s husband, whom she’s been married to for a decade, caught feelings for a girl at his gym, and he sees her a couple of times a week when he’s there. Actually, her husband became obsessed with this girl and asked if he could have permission to flirt with her.
Her husband then tried to manipulate her into letting him have some kind of a relationship with this girl. What’s weird is that her husband only knows this girl’s name; it’s not like he discussed getting romantic with her, so she’s clueless about his plans.
“But this has been dragging out for several weeks now. He has apologized and acknowledged [that] he never should have pressured me and that he was way too invested in the situation. He’s no longer trying to pressure me, to be clear,” she explained.
She told her husband he has to do three things in order to fix their marriage: attend weekly therapy alone, go to weekly marriage counseling sessions with her, and go to the gym at different times so he no longer sees the girl.
While her husband has agreed to both therapy appointments and promised to change his schedule at the gym, he hasn’t made that happen.
Her husband mentioned he will exit the gym if he runs into the girl, but that’s not good enough for her. He also won’t get up earlier to avoid overlapping with this girl.
“So I guess my dilemma is this: he is doing two of the things I asked, but not changing his gym schedule. How long do I give him in therapy to sort his [stuff] out?” she wondered.
“We have a 1.5-year-old, and I desperately want to preserve our little family, but I’m feeling less and less like that’s possible without this change from him. But then, if I let myself think about it long enough, I start wondering if this is even a hill worth dying on.”
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“I know it sounds dumb, but I don’t actually worry about him cheating. I am bothered by the lack of respect towards me and the unwillingness to make what is realistically a small change for my sense of emotional safety.”
She thinks her husband should have already taken steps to make her feel better on his own and without her having to ask. Her husband said she doesn’t make him feel desired, and that’s part of the problem.
Apparently, he thought he could pursue the girl at the gym to see if she also found him attractive and wanted attention from the gym girl because he didn’t think she was giving him enough attention at home.
She knows that’s perfectly valid, as she was pregnant and then dealing with the baby. The issue for her is that she can’t make herself be more affectionate with her husband when he made her feel so insulted by not ultimately changing his schedule at the gym.
“I would just hate to throw away this beautiful, otherwise stable life prematurely. He does so much for us, and he’s a great dad. Life would be a LOT harder without him,” she concluded.
Man, this is a marriage dealbreaker in my book. I think she should demand that he cancel his gym membership completely in order to reconcile.
Her husband is creepy and literally looking for excuses to pursue another woman, which is not acceptable. Since her husband isn’t bending over backward to make her feel better about his gym crush, it makes it seem like he’s not as invested in the marriage as she is.
I think she’s lying to herself about how great he is in order to make herself feel better, because from the outside looking in, her husband is trash.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
