When a teenager you helped raise uses you as a scapegoat for her dad’s harsh parenting decisions and publicly humiliates you by ignoring you on the street, how are you supposed to handle all of that?
This 38-year-old woman and her 42-year-old boyfriend have been dating for a decade, and they only moved in with one another two years ago.
Back when she began dating her boyfriend, he was raising his 6-year-old son and 9-year-old daughter all alone. Their mom abandoned them and moved to a different country, so it was tough on the kids not to have their mom in their lives.
At first, her boyfriend introduced her to the kids as his friend, but as they got older, they pieced together that they were in a romantic relationship, but that didn’t upset them.
“We always got along well, although I never felt like a mother figure. I did give them advice and play with them, but our relationship was always one of friendship, not exactly that of a parent,” she explained.
“When we moved, they were already 17 and 14, respectively. Their father has always been able to assert himself, so I rarely have to step in for any reason. Basically, zero conflicts with me personally!”
“Until the girl had an argument with her father, and the boy got involved and showed signs of aggression, my partner decided it would be best for both of them to leave our house and go live with their mother, who, although she isn’t here, has a house nearby where her current in-laws live. And so it was.”
After that happened, she would literally pass her stepdaughter on the street, only to have her completely act like she didn’t exist. Her stepdaughter also went around telling people that she left the house because of her, when that wasn’t the case.
She was very taken aback by that, as she didn’t anticipate that her stepdaughter would paint her as a wicked stepmom, especially since she never had a single problem with this kid.
Well, ok, she did have one; her stepdaughter started secretly stealing her clothes and her underwear and wearing them. She didn’t say anything directly to her stepdaughter, but her boyfriend did.
“…I mentioned it to her father since it was already becoming intolerable (she was hiding my wet clothes in her room so I couldn’t even dry and use them). He talked to her about it, but even so, she didn’t treat me any differently,” she added.
“So, fast forward to today, things are going well with his son; he never treated me differently. Although the relationship between the girl (now 19) and her father isn’t 100%, it’s obvious that she’ll always be a part of his life, and eventually they’ll have to get along.”
“It’s just that I feel like the relationship I had with her is gone, and I have absolutely no desire to be around her again…I don’t even know if I’ll talk to her at this point, since she’s already ignored me on the street several times…”
She does not trust her stepdaughter, and she’s not quite sure how to deal with her now. She’s left wondering if she’s wrong for not wanting to have anything to do with her stepdaughter.
It’s strange to me that her boyfriend packed up both his kids and shipped them off when he only had a problem with his son, not his daughter. He definitely doesn’t sound like a good dad, but that’s not her fault.
I understand she must be deeply hurt to have her stepdaughter literally ignore her in public multiple times, and to also have her stepdaughter point the finger at her when her dad did her wrong.
She doesn’t owe her stepdaughter a single thing, and she should just ignore her, too, while alerting her boyfriend to her stepdaughter’s behavior to hopefully avoid any more problems.
While her daughter is not being fair to her, all she can do is wash her hands of this kid.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
