There are many harmless lies out there that someone can tell. But if you specifically asked your spouse if they were still friends with an ex, and they lied to you about it, what would you do?
This 25-year-old man and his 25-year-old wife got married in May. Now, back when they first started dating, he directly asked his wife if she still spoke to any of her ex-boyfriends.
She said that she did not and wouldn’t need her ex around because she had him. He believed what she said and never once thought about it after that.
“Back in February, I happened to see a picture of a guy on her phone. I asked who he was, and she told me he was just a friend. She explained that they had tried going on two dates, but he was too controlling, so they decided they were better off as friends,” he said.
“I accepted that explanation. I had known about this ‘friend’ for a while after that. Then, two weeks after we got married, I found out that this ‘friend’ was actually her ex-boyfriend. When I confronted her, she admitted it.”
“She said she was embarrassed to tell me because she thought I’d be upset that she kept an ex in her life. She also told me the relationship ended because his mom didn’t approve of her. According to her, she wanted to end things, and he begged her to stay and said he’d talk to his mom, but she still ended the relationship.”
What he’s upset about is not exactly that she keeps her ex in her life; it’s that his wife stared into his eyes and lied to his face, saying she didn’t speak to her ex.
Additionally, he asked her about who that man was, and she concocted a fake story about him just being a random guy she had gone out with a handful of times. She didn’t come clean about her ex when she had the chance.
The truth only came to light after the wedding, which has him questioning their entire relationship. He’s worried that if his wife lied to him about such a simple thing for years on end, he’s not going to be able to determine what else is a truth or a lie.
“She keeps saying she was just embarrassed and afraid of how I’d react, but it’s hard for me to accept that after so many lies. I love my wife, and I don’t want to throw away our marriage,” he continued.
“At the same time, I can’t stop thinking about this. It’s constantly on my mind, and I feel like the trust I had is gone. Has anyone been through something similar? Is this something a marriage can realistically recover from, or am I ignoring a bigger problem?”
I’m inclined to believe his wife is more than friends with her ex or hiding something bigger from him if she was so comfortable lying about the identity of this guy, and that she used to date him.
Maybe his wife is still in love with her ex. Anyway, he should be trying to get an annulment.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
