Chip Chick
Eventually, she did give in to her boyfriend’s demands about going on much more difficult runs than she was prepared for, and her anxiety was crippling. She fell a lot and got so overwhelmed.
Although she was clearly struggling and had just wanted to go at a pace that felt comfortable to her, her boyfriend couldn’t care less about her safety or comfort on the slopes.
All in, she has been skiing less than 12 times, but she somehow has managed to do quite well, and she can do green runs (the easiest) and blue runs (more advanced).
She’s proud of how far she has come with just 1 lesson under her belt, but her boyfriend has done nothing but demean and degrade her the whole way.
Her boyfriend has accused her of not liking skiing, and she tried to inform him that she doesn’t like how he decides to treat her as she’s skiing that’s the problem, not the skiing itself.
Her boyfriend maintained that he didn’t have any “expectations” for her, so she said sorry and figured it was her anxiety disorder creeping in and making her misinterpret the situation.
A few months after this conversation, her boyfriend stated again that he didn’t believe she enjoyed skiing, and then he admitted that he really just thought she wasn’t being risky enough in the steps she was taking to learn how to ski.
It turns out, her boyfriend did have very specific expectations for what level he wanted her to be skiing at by now, even though he denied it all along.
“I am so furious,” she said. “First, he gaslit me for months claiming he did not have these expectations and making me literally apologize, thinking it was my anxiety disorder…and even though I have tried to explain why this is such a terrible thing to do to another person, especially your partner, he simply doesn’t understand.”
“I tried using analogies and examples, and the only thing he thinks he did wrong is to not tell me his expectations sooner. I told him that most people would be overjoyed if their partner dropped all the money, time, and effort to learn a hobby they were interested in, and instead, he’s just acting pissed off and ungrateful, like this is all my fault, and I am the problem.”
She mentioned that it’s really hard for her to pick up skiing after spending close to 40 years of her life never having tried it at all, and he really should let her learn at the speed she’s comfortable at.
