How You Can Finally Put An End To Being So Hypercritical Of Yourself
Your Inner Dialogue Can Either Make You Or Break You As A Person
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Many of you have probably heard the expression, “You are your own worst critic.” This is undoubtedly true for many. Unfortunately, your self-talk can rob you of confidence and scare you from trying anything new out of fear of failure, rejection, or abandonment.
Your Thoughts Influence Your Feelings And Actions
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Where the mind goes, the body follows. Many of you will fall victim to the “self-fulfilling prophecy” if you allow your self-criticism to get out of control.
If You Happen To Be A Harsh Self-Critic, You’re Not Alone
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In some situations, it is reasonable to criticize yourself. For example, perhaps you didn’t study for an important test and now have an F. It makes sense to want to criticize yourself for not studying. However, there is a line between healthy criticism and toxic criticism.
Here Are 7 Steps To Help You Overcome Being So Hypercritical Of Yourself
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If you find yourself calling yourself horrible names, always doubting your abilities, and consistently predicting the worst outcome, you need to reevaluate how hypercritical you are of yourself.
Step #1: Mind Your Thoughts
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Thoughts affect how you feel, which in turn affects how you behave. Over time, you can start to notice your hypercriticism less and less. Pay attention to your thoughts. Knowing how often you criticize yourself is a big step in halting negative thought patterns.
After all, we cannot fix what we do not know exists. Writing down each occurrence can help you visualize how often you criticize yourself. It can be an eye-opener when you start to keep a tally.
Step #2: Flip The Script
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There is a difference between focusing on a problem to solve and replaying your mistakes repeatedly. Replaying your mistakes is just criticizing how you handled a situation, which is hypercriticism.
When you start noticing this, flip the script. Go for a walk. Call a friend up to chat. Set up a coffee date. Watch TV or a movie. Hit the gym. Do something that shifts your focus, and return to it once you’re ready to problem solve rather than criticize your mistakes.
Step #3: Find Out If Your Thoughts Are Accurate
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There is plenty of evidence that shows our minds are not infallible. Your memory can be tricked. Your thoughts can be manipulated. Your perception can be skewed. If you know you tend to focus only on the negative, you need to gather some evidence to see how accurate your thoughts are.
Here’s an example: Let’s say you are getting ready for a date. Your date wants to meet up with you at a dance club. You start to think, “I know I’m going to make a fool of myself. I have no rhythm.”
Now, please write out all the times someone other than yourself has told you you have no rhythm. Then, write out all the times someone has complimented anything about you while dancing. Then, after that, write out all the times you’ve danced, and nobody said anything.
Lastly, tally up each section. The first section is negative, the second is positive, and the third is neutral. Chances are, for most, the negative area won’t be as full as the positive and neutral sections.
Seeing physical evidence that your negative thoughts can be wrong helps many people talk to themselves less critically from time to time, and that’s a start.
Step #4: Shift From Pessimistic To Realistic A Little At A Time
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By this point, you realize that not all of your criticism is deserved. So, now we make the transition to more realistic thought patterns.
This does not have to be an overnight shift; it is okay if you backslide a little occasionally. The goal is to make minor improvements. Just shutting down one hypercritical thought is better than none at all.
And if you manage to shut down one hypercritical thought daily, that’s 365 fewer hypercritical thoughts every year. Every little win counts. Shifting your thoughts can look like moving from “I’ll never make a relationship work” to “If I learn to communicate my needs better, I might have more success.”
You don’t have to be overly optimistic – have a more realistic outlook than your usual hypercriticism.
Step #5: Imagine Your Hypercriticism Was ACTUALLY True
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Let’s say you are up for a big promotion at work. You’ve interviewed with the manager, and now it is just a waiting game. This is the perfect breeding ground for hypercriticism to take up shop.
You might be thinking, “OMG, I bombed that interview! All I did was stutter at every question. My manager probably thinks I’m a moron now. There is no way I’m going to get that promotion.”
Now, assume you didn’t get the promotion. How bad would that be? Yes, rejection sucks. But, outside of that, is it the end of the world? You still have a job. You can ask about future opportunities and ways to prepare for future promotion opportunities. Furthermore, you can ask the hiring manager how your interview went and see if it was as bad as you thought it was. Chances are, it wasn’t. Managers can easily offer feedback on interview skills, and you can look for career coaches to help you practice for future interviews.
The point is – the worst-case scenario is not always the end of the world. Be easier on yourself.
Step #6: Treat Yourself The Way You Would Treat A Friend
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When you are a harsh self-critic, it can be tough to give yourself some grace. However, chances are it isn’t as hard to show your friends that grace.
Let’s say you bought the wrong cake for a party. You would probably torture yourself for that mistake. You would call yourself an idiot and every name in the book.
You are less likely to do that to a friend who made the same mistake. If your friend did it, you would probably comfort them, tell them it isn’t as big a deal as they think, and reassure them that nobody is mad at them.
We all make mistakes. So why are you so hard on yourself? Offer yourself the exact words of comfort and reassurance you would give your friend in the same situation.
Step #7: Take A Both/And Stance
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You can be critical of yourself and accepting of yourself at the same time. Balancing criticism with acceptance is an essential skill for maintaining your confidence in the face of failure.
Let’s go back to the work promotion from earlier. You can both be upset at yourself for bombing your interview and decide to seek out a career coach to help you work on your interviewing skills.
The point here is to learn to be critical when you mess up but accept your flaws. So you can both be upset and realize there is room for improvement.
The question is – will you?
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