In today’s high-tech world, we have more ways than ever before to connect and communicate with each other, yet we seem to spend less time really listening to each other.
The qualities that make a good listener may seem super obvious, like not interrupting the other person when they’re speaking, letting them know you’re listening through facial and verbal cues, or being able to repeat what they’ve said exactly.
However, effective listening is much more than that. When you genuinely listen to someone, your relationships grow stronger, whether it’s at work, with your family, or with your spouse.
Esther Perel (@estherperel_official) is a psychotherapist who is known for her work on relationships, and she’s telling TikTok six tips that everyone needs to practice if they want to improve their listening skills in an intimate relationship.
One, you must understand the difference between hearing and listening. Next, you need to go back to the beginning to dissect your childhood.
“Take stock of your own experiences growing up. How did you feel hurt? How were you taught to listen to others?” said Esther.
Number three, take your finger off the rebuttal button. This means that you should truly listen to the other person and what they’re expressing. You are not just listening to give a reaction.
Four, practice some reflective listening skills. It will allow you to take turns speaking and helps you put yourself into the other person’s shoes.
“You acknowledge what the other person says, you validate it, and hopefully, you even empathize with it. But basically, you’re creating a conversation in which both people’s points of view are validated,” she continued.