If You’re An Adult And Wondering If You Have Suffered From Parentification At The Hands Of Your Own Parents, Here Are A Few Ways To Tell
Parentification is what happens when the roles of a parent and a child are reversed. It can be an incredibly damaging dynamic for the child.
In the case of parentification, parental duties are taken on by the child, whether it’s providing emotional support, assuming household responsibilities, or taking care of the needs of younger siblings.
Parentification can leave deep emotional scars even when you’re well into adulthood. If you are now an adult and are wondering if you’ve been parentified, here are some of the signs.
Do you have difficulty communicating what you want and tend to put your own needs on the back burner? As a child, you were probably taught to prioritize the needs of your family above your own.
So now, when you attempt to express your desires, you may be wracked with feelings of guilt and anxiety.
Maybe you also act as a caretaker to others, even at your own expense. You swoop into the rescue whenever your friends or partners are in a crisis. You have a hard time doing what’s best for you because you were never taught to put yourself first.
This can lead to difficulty with setting healthy boundaries and might push you into relationships where you’re giving everything but not receiving much in return.
Parentification can also cause you to have low self-esteem. You either need constant reassurance or close yourself off to other people. Either way, it makes it a challenge to maintain any type of relationship.
And finally, perhaps you experience conflicting feelings over how you didn’t get to have the childhood that other kids did.
fizkes – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
While kids your age were hanging out with friends, playing video games, and going to birthday parties, you were required to make sure your entire family was being fed and keeping the power on in your home.
Such responsibilities forced you to grow up too quickly and mourn what you never had. You might feel resentment, anger, and sadness, and that’s okay.
Understanding the ways parentification has affected you is the first step toward healing yourself. Allow yourself to grieve, cry, and release whatever emotions might arise when you look back on your childhood.
Take as much time as you need to grieve. As long as you’re letting yourself feel, it doesn’t matter how long your grieving period lasts.
Furthermore, get in touch with your inner child and show yourself some compassion. Think about the things you enjoyed doing or have always wanted to do and let yourself experience them.
Once you can provide yourself with the love and care that your parents failed to show you, you’ll be able to move forward.
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