PSA: To Save Yourself Time, Money, And Disappointment, Your First Date Should Just Be A 30-Minute Coffee Date
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer, Katharina Buczek.
Picture this: you meet a new guy online, and everything seems wonderful when you’re both behind screens. You find their dating app photos attractive, and the conversation just keeps flowing.
So, you two decide to take the plunge and go out to dinner for your first date. You couldn’t be more excited.
Well, that’s until you actually meet the guy in person and have to last through a two-hour date while knowing you’re no longer attracted.
Maybe the guy’s photos were deceiving, or perhaps the conversation just feels more awkward in person as opposed to over text. Or, maybe, you can’t put your finger on why you’re actually not interested.
The only thing that matters is you know you don’t want to move forward with this guy. Yet, you are stuck there for the duration of drinks, appetizers, entrees, and– yikes– maybe even a dessert.
That’s why dinner dates, and other long-lasting activities, are not the best options for first dates.
Sure, some people don’t mind sticking around and simply getting to know a guy or gal, regardless of if they plan to move forward. But most people would rather save their time, money, and energy.
Enter the “screening date,” or an outing meant to last just about 30 minutes. Ideally, you and your potential love interest would go out for coffee. Or, you can replace the caffeine by going to a juice bar, bakery, or cafe.
Alina – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only
The whole point is that you get to meet someone in a public place that is casual and normally frequented in short bursts of time.
Plus, coffee shops and cafes tend to be most popular around lunchtime. And a lunch outing never lasts as long as a sit-down dinner.
Aside from cutting down the duration of your date and allowing you an escape plan in case things don’t pan out as you planned, coffee dates and the like result in much less pressure.
For a dinner date, you may feel the need to get all dolled up– putting on a killer outfit and a full face of makeup.
However, if you walk into a cafe in a cocktail dress and heels, you may turn some heads, but you will still be a bit overdressed.
First dates are already pretty stressful, to begin with. So, going casual is not a bad thing. You can meet a potential partner on more normal terms, focusing on figuring out whether you’re actually interested rather than fussing about looks or first impressions.
Expectations are also removed in these scenarios. After a dinner date, you may feel expected to grab some ice cream, go to a bar, or worse, go home with a guy.
The afternoon is simply different, and going out to a cafe or even a juice bar is usually just that– with no additional strings attached.
Finally, if a date doesn’t knock your socks off, you won’t feel like you wasted a ton of money. After drinks, appetizers, entrees, and sometimes dessert, a nice dinner can cost hundred(s) of dollars.
And if you know within the first five minutes that you’re just not interested, then what’s even the point of wasting that money?
Instead, throw on some jeans, grab a $5 cappuccino, and simply focus on getting to know someone for 30 minutes.
And if after that 30 minutes, you are sure you don’t want to go out again, you can wish them well and get back to your day.
You won’t have to feel bad about wasting a Friday night, throwing money down the toilet, or leading a guy on. Finally, you can save your sanity and get out of any date gone sideways without having to make up a lie or struggle through two-plus hours of small talk.
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