Truly Making Amends Is More Than Just Saying “I’m Sorry,” And Here’s How To Master The Art of A Genuine Apology

ID 177183701 - © Primaveraar - Dreamstime.com -  illustrative purposes only
ID 177183701 - © Primaveraar - Dreamstime.com - illustrative purposes only

The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer, Katharina Buczek.

Apologizing truly is an art. Sometimes, a simple “I’m sorry” just doesn’t cut it– especially in more severe situations.

That doesn’t mean apologies aren’t worth your while, though. Whether it’s a misunderstanding with a friend or a blunder at work, a genuine apology can mend bridges and heal wounds.

So, rather than avoiding apologizing, here’s how to craft a legitimate apology that actually resonates and shows you care.

Tips For Delivering A Genuine Apology

The first and arguably most important step to crafting an apology is really understanding what went wrong in the first place. Remove your biases from the situation and analyze what happened from a third-party perspective.

Figure out what it is that you are actually apologizing for, and digest how your actions or decisions made another person feel. By understanding the core issue, you will be able to express genuine remorse.

When it comes time to deliver your apology, there are also plenty of common mistakes to avoid.

Primarily, make sure you express your feelings without directing blame. Saying “I’m sorry you feel that way” can seem pointed and insincere. Instead, own your actions and express how you feel about what happened.

Simply telling someone, “I regret what I did and understand how it made you feel,” can send a powerful message.

At the same time, don’t try to make excuses or justify your actions. Sure, providing context behind your thought process can be okay, as long as you don’t rattle off excuse after excuse. This is a surefire way to undermine the sincerity of your apology.

ID 177183701 – © Primaveraar – Dreamstime.com – illustrative purposes only

Keep in mind that generic apologies tend to fall flat, too. That’s why you should be as specific as possible about what you are apologizing for. Providing details and sharing reflections on distinct parts of the situation demonstrates that you’ve really taken the time to think about what happened.

If it is appropriate, you can even offer solutions for rectifying the situation. For instance, if you made a work blunder, you could brainstorm possible courses of action before delivering your apology. Then, by providing a variety of potential solutions, your commitment to making amends will be shown.

Also, keep the apology focused on the feelings and needs of the other person. Don’t get bogged down talking about how bad you feel about the situation. While it may be true, it’s just not the most important thing to communicate.

Finally, the most important thing to remember when issuing an apology is that words are just the beginning. After telling someone that you are sorry, you actually have to follow through with your actions.

Make amends wherever you can– whether that be at work or in a personal relationship– and ensure that the same mistake doesn’t happen again. This is the true mark of a solid apology since, over time, you will show that you learned from your error and are actively working on yourself.

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Katharina Buczek graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Journalism and a minor in Digital Arts. Specializing ... More about Katharina Buczek

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