She’s A Clinical Psychologist Breaking Down A Common Couple Dynamic Known As The “Hot Wife” And “Mean Husband”
Relationships of all kinds can get complicated, but romantic relationships are on a whole other level. The question of why some couples thrive and others struggle remains a captivating one. Today, we’ll be unraveling the mystery behind one type of couple.
Dr. Angelica Shiels (@dr..angelica.shie) is a clinical psychologist based in Maryland, and she has become known for breaking down common couple dynamics on TikTok. In her videos, she goes into depth on connections, compatibility, and companionship.
One of the types of couples she has discussed includes the hot wife and her “mean” husband. In this case, she explains that the hot wife usually has an anxious-disorganized attachment and a fear of abandonment. Growing up, these women were commonly deemed the “black sheep” of their families.
On the outside, they seem cool and unbothered for long periods of time, but in reality, they are on edge and constantly observing if their partner cares about them.
The hot wife also leads with her beauty as a defense mechanism and tries to please their partner to avoid getting abandoned.
The guy in this situation is passive and straightforward, with an avoidant attachment. His family never discussed important topics growing up, so he’s still trying to figure out himself.
When the “mean” husband and the hot wife get together, one of the things that might cause their relationship to flounder is his tendency to overlook her needs.
She loves how safe he feels because he’s great at showering her with compliments about her beauty. He also rarely shows negative emotions or expresses his feelings at all.
“For a sensitive, traumatized, scapegoated person, this feels like water in the desert. So, when dating, his lack of emotional sophistication feels warm and fuzzy and not hurtful,” said Dr. Shiels.
muse studio – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
In the beginning, their relationship is full of sparks. But then, when they enter into commitment, real life sets in, and the hot wife has difficulty holding up her mask.
Her deeper feelings are calling for attention. She has needs that she’s too afraid to voice out loud because it’s too vulnerable, so she will test her partner to see if he will notice what she needs.
Of course, he doesn’t notice because he has an avoidant attachment. She may start to criticize him and boss him around, which will cause him to become defensive.
Dr. Sheils also gets into how this particular couple dynamic can heal themselves and mend their relationship.
“This is actually my favorite couple in therapy because neither one is one-upping or externalizing. They both have deep wounds to be healed and in the safety of a therapy office with parameters around the exercises, they’re wide open to heal them,” said Dr. Shiels.
When the passive husband becomes less passive and actually engages with the hot wife, while the hot wife learns to tolerate her trauma, accept love, and build up her husband, they can transform into the ultimate power couple.
@dr..angelica.shie The wife thinks this guy is a narcissist, but that’s not the case. This #couple does amazing in therapy. #marriage #relationships #communication #wounds #corebeliefs #trauma #couplestherapy #healing #anxiousdisorganized #anxiousattachment #attachment #avoidantattachment #bigfive #bigfivepersonality #neurotic #anxiety #emotional #imago #partner #boyfriend #girlfriend #therapist
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