Feeling Guilty Isn’t Enough: Here’s Why Remorse Is Critical For Repairing Your Relationship After Cheating
One of the most detrimental events to a marriage can be if someone cheats on their spouse.
People who have been cheated on, especially those cheated on by someone who promised to be faithful on their wedding day, often experience significant trauma and can hardly cope with the feeling of betrayal.
While cheating is unacceptable, it doesn’t mean it has to be the end game. Many couples rebuild their relationships after someone cheated, whether it was once or in a full-blown affair.
However, one thing is critical for getting back together with someone after cheating. There has to be remorse.
There’s a big difference between trying to make things right because you feel guilty and making them right because you’re remorseful. Just because you feel guilty about cheating doesn’t mean you feel remorseful.
When you cheat on someone, you’re expected to feel guilty. After all, most of us feel some level of guilt whenever we do something wrong, and cheating is certainly wrong. So it’s not surprising if you feel guilty, and it’s hard to feel bad for someone who’s feeling guilty after cheating.
However, when you have remorse, it means you’re feeling empathy for your partner, and you feel sad and troubled because you caused them to feel pain. Yes, you can feel guilty and remorseful at the same time, but remorse is what’s going to make you take real action and work to fix your relationship.
When you feel remorse, you actually want to fix things. When you feel guilty, you likely only want to fix things so you can stop feeling guilty.
If you were recently cheated on by your spouse or long-term partner, here are some signs that they’re being remorseful versus trying to ease their guilt.
Prostock-studio – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
When they apologize to you, they should be clear about what they did wrong and admit they were wrong.
People who only try to relieve their guilt can easily throw the term “I’m sorry” around a million times. But remorseful people will take accountability, admit they were wrong, and ask what they can do better.
A remorseful partner will want to help you find peace again and move forward, so they will help you find ways to solve your problems.
When your partner suggests going to couples therapy, allows you to ask them questions, or sits down for serious talks with you, they want to fix things.
A partner more concerned with getting rid of their guilt than actually repairing your relationship may make you feel pressured to make a decision.
They may ask, “So, are we done or what?” However, a truly remorseful partner will allow you to take the time you need to decide your next move, no matter how uncomfortable it is.
Any partner who doesn’t open up to you, take accountability, or propose solutions and starts pressuring you to make hasty decisions on your relationship likely isn’t feeling remorseful for their actions.
If that sounds like something your partner has done, you may want to reconsider how much trust you will give them.
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