Her Boyfriend Said He Can’t Marry Her, But He Still Wants Her To Move Across The Country With Him
This 25-year-old girl and her 36-year-old boyfriend have been together for close to four years now, and they initially met at work.
Her boyfriend is from South Carolina, but they live in Denver, and he only came out that way for his career.
So, when they got their first home together, everything was a bit rocky, as her boyfriend said he wasn’t sure about committing to living in that area, given he was assuming it was temporary.
As for her, she’s a Denver native, and she always expected to live there. She and her boyfriend were able to move forward from this, and she thinks they both love living in Denver. She and her boyfriend also have been talking about marriage and kids someday.
Lately, she and her boyfriend have come to the conclusion that their jobs are pretty awful, and they still work for the same company, but they have different titles and work out of different locations.
She felt so trapped that she quit her job and went back to school. Her boyfriend decided his job was too good to give up, as he was making excellent money and had a wonderful schedule.
Although her boyfriend said this was for the best, she could tell he was utterly miserable working at his job.
Then, her boyfriend was diagnosed with a terrible degenerative bone disease that could only be helped with surgery, and he experienced constant pain.
The pain, coupled with how upsetting he found his job, started to swallow him up. She tried her best to be there for him and be supportive, but he still slipped into depression and stopped taking care of himself.
Alexandra Phillips – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
She watched her boyfriend spiral for a year until he finally said he desperately needed a change. So, he quit his job, and his mood instantly improved. Her boyfriend began excitedly talking about getting married and maybe moving to South Carolina for a new business opportunity.
She felt a bit overwhelmed by all of this, but she was elated her boyfriend was feeling better. She never really pushed getting married on her boyfriend before, but she playfully said to him that if he expected her to move across the country and away from her loved ones and school, he would have to marry her.
While she said this in a teasing way, she was serious about needing assurances in order to uproot her entire life for him.
“So from this point on, he asked my dad if he could marry me, bought a ring, and frequently discussed our future with me,” she explained.
“I began to get excited at the idea of getting married to him and starting a life in a new place! My family knows at this point this is our plan for the near future, and so does his.”
Several weeks after this, her boyfriend said she could unenroll from school and travel around the world with him for a month.
This caught her off guard, and while she worked extremely hard to get into school, she knew she wouldn’t have an opportunity to travel like this ever again.
She and her boyfriend were not only planing to get married, they were also planning out a new business together, and she knew her degree wouldn’t be useful for that.
So she ditched school and agreed to the trip. Her boyfriend said they could go anywhere she dreamed of, and he would happily pay for it.
She planned everything out, and he indicated that he was going to propose to her on their vacation since he wanted it to be special and memorable.
Then, they left for their vacation, and everything was great until two weeks in, when her boyfriend wanted to talk about getting married.
“He proceeds to tell me he no longer believes in the concept or ideals of marriage,” she said. “I am listening to this in shock and confusion, but honestly, I let it ride at this point and attribute it to the beers we had been drinking.”
“I don’t bring it up until we have two days left of our trip, and he has obviously not proposed to me despite all of his previous insinuations.”
But when she did address the whole marriage thing, her boyfriend got upset, and they ended up arguing about it.
Her boyfriend proceeded to say he was grossed out to imagine getting down on one knee and that he can’t marry her because he’s unstable. He added that marriage is a waste and they would just be setting themselves up to be divorced in four years.
She was shocked by his words, but nothing was worse than her boyfriend saying if all she wanted was the ring, he had it in his bag, and she could just take it. That killed her to hear, and as they flew home, she couldn’t help but feel puzzled and less in love than ever before.
“I immediately go back to work to get some space to think,” she continued. “He tells me he needs a few weeks to sort through his feelings and decide if he really does want marriage or not. Meanwhile, he starts working on our business venture from home, still claiming he wants to go to South Carolina for better business opportunities and to be close to his older parents. At this point, I’m apathetic to all of this.”
“A few weeks later, he tells me he wants to be married but has had clarity, and he needs to get his mind and body right before he can do that. I understand his mindset, but it doesn’t take away the feelings I feel or the things he said on our trip. So now we are trying to make huge decisions about whether or not to move to South Carolina together, and I couldn’t feel more confused about what to do based on these events.”
She loves her boyfriend and wants to be married, but she doesn’t like that he’s so unsure. If he were to propose to her right now, that won’t fix anything.
She’s left wondering if she’s the problem or if their relationship will only continue to fail from here. She also can’t imagine herself moving across the country and leaving her friends and family for a guy who is hesitant to commit to her.
She’s not sure this is worth it. What do you think?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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