If you were dating someone who wanted to be their cousin’s surrogate, how would you feel about that? Would you be hurt that their first experience giving birth was with someone else’s baby and not your own?
This man’s 22-year-old girlfriend has a 30-year-old cousin who recently asked her to be his surrogate and carry his child. He couldn’t be more against the idea of his girlfriend giving birth to another man’s baby, but he’s afraid of losing her over this.
Now, his girlfriend’s cousin is gay, so that is the reason why he needs to secure a surrogate in order to have a baby. He adores his girlfriend’s cousin because he’s authentic and kind. He’s really a wonderful person to spend time with.
Back when his girlfriend’s cousin asked her to carry his baby, he stated that he really wanted his child to share his blood in some way, which is why he sought her out.
The thing is, his girlfriend’s cousin is adopted, and so he has no blood relation to his girlfriend, which is why he doesn’t understand that line of thinking.
His girlfriend and her cousin each separately expressed their excitement about her being a surrogate with him. His girlfriend did give him a sort of warning that she was interested in having the baby and wanted to let him know ahead of time.
His girlfriend’s cousin took a more casual approach to the surrogate conversation. He’s not positive if his girlfriend is actually going to follow through with being her cousin’s surrogate or not, but he is still super bothered by the possibility of it happening.
“When my girlfriend first brought it up, I expressed my concerns, but it was such a visceral reaction that I didn’t know how to explain my feelings very well in the moment,” he said.
“After more thought, I realize that I see pregnancy as something so special. We are literally using our love to create a new life, and that intimacy would be exclusive to us.”
“But her carrying another man’s child feels like a violation of that, and I fear that I will only feel resentment, and it will drive us apart.”
He’s left wondering how he can express his emotions and not ruin relationships in the process.
He really needs to have a sit-down, private chat with his girlfriend and just let it all out. I don’t think his girlfriend is thinking about this in a pragmatic way.
Being a surrogate usually requires a contract so everyone is protected, and I don’t care if this is a family member, the approach should still be the same.
Also, who is going to cover the expenses that come out of this? His girlfriend? Her cousin? That should be outlined well in advance.
His girlfriend needs to consider the impact on the baby’s life and whether she will be involved in any way, or if they will keep the information secret from the baby as they grow older.
His girlfriend should think about the impact this will have on their own romantic relationship, because being pregnant is a lot to handle.
In conclusion, he can end on a more positive note by reiterating to his girlfriend that he adores her and her cousin, but this dynamic simply doesn’t align with what he wants for his future.
While he should not issue her an ultimatum, he should make it clear to his girlfriend that he’s not willing to commit to a relationship where she is carrying another man’s baby, nor is he ready to have that child permanently tied to his life.
If she feels compelled to move forward with this, he can validate her as a wonderful, selfless person while making it clear that their time together has officially reached its end, because there’s no compromise here.
How do you think he can frame this conversation in a way that he’s heard without hurting everyone’s feelings?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
