Abby Connolly
In life, we come across people who have gone through the same things as us, which can feel relieving and amazing.
If you’ve been through something traumatic at one point in your life, finding someone who’s experienced something similar can be very therapeutic, proving you’re not alone. We may see these people as soulmates, but if you analyze your relationship further, they could actually be your ‘woundmate.’
Relationship experts define woundmates as people you connect with because of your past trauma. You form a deep connection because you share the same emotional or traumatic experience.
This connection can happen very quickly, and it may seem that your shared wounds are all you want to talk about at first. You may feel very familiar with this person and your relationship, whether platonic or romantic, and the relationship can move quickly.
However, at a certain point, you may notice things that help differentiate a woundmate from a soulmate.
Yes, sharing traumas can help people build a healthy relationship that promotes support and peace. However, in some instances, it can cause tension between people and plague the relationship with jealousy and negativity.
Often, we connect to woundmates because even if our trauma or wounds occurred years ago, there’s still a lot of healing to do. You may find this person and be elated as you think they have the potential to help you heal. But at the end of the day, you must do the healing yourself.
When in a relationship with a woundmate, whether you realize it or not, you’ll be surrounded by triggers. After all, you bonded over something that deeply wounded and hurt you, so it’s almost inevitable that you feel triggered when you’re with them.
Staying with a woundmate may do more harm than good, as you can get caught in a vicious cycle of rehashing your old wounds and bonding over the times you were at your lowest. You may become jealous when your friend or partner starts to succeed and vice versa.
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