Before this 28-year-old woman got engaged to her 30-year-old fiancé, she discovered a secret list he made on his iPad comparing her to all of his exes.
She is aware that he never intended for her to see this list, and it was just a way for him to work out what he values the most in a woman.
She truly gets that, however, it doesn’t make the list any less hurtful, given the amount of insight in there.
Her fiancé literally and directly compared her to all the women who came before her, and that’s why she’s having such a hard time letting it go.
She doesn’t quite understand why her fiancé made the list the way that he did, as he could have just made bullet points of what he loves and what he finds dealbreakers.
He did make a simple checklist before naming women directly, acknowledging his likes and dislikes. For instance, her fiancé wrote that he likes a woman who is active, fun, has initiative, is trusting and adventurous, and would make a good mom. He added social, intelligent, and responsible in there as well.
From there, he went on to briefly list a few things he doesn’t like, namely uselessness and not being trustworthy. He also wasn’t thrilled when a woman lacked a challenge for him.
Now, let’s start with her, the first name on his list. She’s been with her fiancé since the fall of 2019, and she did not know him before then.
He put down that she has a lot of wonderful qualities, such as being focused and smart. He outlined that he thinks she would be a wonderful mom one day, and she presents him with a challenge, so he is never bored of her.
He said she’s also loyal yet spoiled, with a couple of trust, control, and anger problems. She’s too uppity for his family and doesn’t see why he feels a need to care for his loved ones.
Let’s move on to Amber, the first woman from his past. Her fiancé dated her from the spring of 2018 through the fall of 2019. Amber didn’t have much written down next to her name, but she was hot, exciting, and insane.
He also didn’t think she was a “valuable member of society” and suspected she would be a terrible mom.
Scarlett was the third name, and she was a part of his life from the winter of 2016 to the spring of 2018.
Scarlett was blindly trusting, ridiculously loving and attentive, and allowed him to be himself. Scarlett also truly loved him for who he was and would have followed him to the ends of the earth.
Scarlett basically worshipped the ground he walked on, adored his whole family, and was incredibly fun to be around.
She was more extroverted and expressive than he was but had a low drive and no vision in life. She was more free-spirited and went “with the flow.”
By the way, she has a sneaking suspicion that her fiancé broke up with Scarlett to be with “Hot Amber” since the timelines overlap. She can’t bring herself to ask her fiancé about this outright, though.
“Because it would really break my heart to know that he dumped Scarlett with such great qualities for Amber because she is hot and fun,” she admitted.
Moving on to the last woman on his list: Chelsea, whom he dated from 2009 to 2014. Chelsea was active, balanced, beautiful, and had a heart of gold.
She was not down for an adventure and wouldn’t have followed him in life. He questioned if she really wanted kids, and she had a tendency to be snotty and opinionated.
So, that sums up the list, and she’s really bothered that her fiancé made no mention of her being caring, loving, or hot.
“I thought I had moved past this after the engagement, but I am struggling to forgive him and move forward with the marriage,” she continued.
“Am I being too critical? I understand marriage is a big decision, but the list is so superficial that I am really struggling.”
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
