Three weeks ago, this 43-year-old woman got married to her 39-year-old husband, and he actually was one of her old boyfriends from her younger years.
Then, they spent 10 years broken up before their paths crossed again, and the rest is history. Prior to her husband, she was married before, and she has kids from that relationship who are all teens now.
At her age, she hasn’t wanted to have any more kids, as she’s done raising them, and wants to focus on getting to live her life.
This is a topic she and her husband tackled early on after they reconnected, and he said he would love to have kids but respected her decision to not have more.
However, her husband mentioned in that conversation that he would really like to donate to help a woman have a baby one day; that way, he could still “leave his genetic mark” behind.
She was fine with this, and that never came up in discussion again afterward. Several days before their wedding last month, she realized she was pregnant, which was completely unplanned.
She felt a rush of confusion, shock, and horror, then realized not moving forward with her pregnancy would probably be the best idea given her age. Her husband didn’t agree and wanted to keep their baby.
“We cried, we talked, but ultimately, the decision was taken from us when I miscarried the afternoon before our wedding,” she explained.
“We still managed to have a wonderful day, but complications meant I required a rather unpleasant and painful procedure a week after the wedding.”
“[Last night], just three weeks on (I’m still suffering the physical symptoms – bleeding – and the obvious emotional ones), my husband texts me at work and flippantly tells me he’s meeting a woman tonight for a drink to talk about donating…so she can have a baby.”
Remember, this has not been something they have talked about at length since they briefly touched on it when they discussed whether or not they wanted to have kids together a while ago.
She felt blindsided and wondered how involved her husband wanted to be in that baby’s life, but that’s not the biggest problem for her here.
The major thing she can’t get past is that her husband has been on certain apps for several weeks, discussing donating with multiple women.
He was even moving all of this forward as she was in the middle of her own miscarriage. Right after they got married, her husband was back at it again, trying to organize donations.
“I am really struggling physically and emotionally after the miscarriage and feel betrayed that he’s kept this secret and taken it to this stage with zero consultation,” she said.
“It seems so insensitive. When he texted, I was in shock, absolutely heartbroken at the timing, and had to leave work to explain how I felt.”
“He greeted me as if this were an everyday occurrence! I feel this is really poor timing and callous – could he not have waited even until a few months after the miscarriage and our wedding or until we’d talked it through again?”
Amid her devastation, her husband feels justified, as he truly believes his donation will miraculously help them heal from their own pain.
Then, her husband left to go meet that other girl as planned without telling her where he was headed.
She would hate to have two marriages end, especially after less than a month of being married to her most recent husband, but she’s not sure what else to do.
“I feel utterly broken, and I’d appreciate hearing what others think here,” she said. “It’s the timing of this and keeping it secret…I would support his choice to do this… but now?!”
“I feel like our entire marriage is in jeopardy, and he has prioritized to reproduce with another and to fulfill his need to do so over the needs of his wife right now.”
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
