I genuinely believe that someone has to show remorse in order to save their marriage after cheating, because without that, how can their spouse ever feel safe with them again?
This woman says that before she uncovered her husband’s affair six months ago, which was physical as well as emotional, her marriage was a disaster.
She and her husband could have written a book on what not to do in a marriage; it was that messy. She grew exhausted of being miserable and arguing with him all the time, so she found a therapist, expecting that this person would tell her to divorce her husband.
But they didn’t. Instead, her therapist helped her understand how to have a successful marriage and gave her the tools to change the course she was on with her husband.
While she was trying to salvage her marriage, her husband was busy sleeping with another woman, and he actually moved out of their house before she discovered what he was up to.
Making it all worse, her husband claimed that his affair partner was like a sister to him, and his affair continued until two months ago. It hurt that the man she loved fell in love with another woman.
“[My] husband was unsure if he even wanted to try to reconcile. But we went on a family vacation last week, and I thought this was a week where we would give our marriage one final, really good attempt to see if we should try to reconcile,” she explained.
“Things were going well initially. Then his AP FaceTimed him. He answered and talked to her as if this were no big deal. Just shooting the breeze. While I was sitting right next to him.”
“They don’t work together; it was nothing urgent, there was no reason, as I could tell, for her to FaceTime on our vacation. She called again a few hours later, and they chatted for a few more minutes.”
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Later on in the evening, she let her husband know that she felt super hurt and puzzled that he was still speaking to his affair partner.
She also said it felt traumatizing to hear this woman’s voice. The following day, her husband’s affair partner called him again, and thankfully, he let the phone ring.
However, he then excused himself to go to the bathroom, where he returned his affair partner’s call. He even told her why he felt the need to do this.
“He said she always has a crisis, always calls him on her way home from work, and ‘needs him.’ He said he thought that since I was upset he talked to her with me next to him, that it would be better if he left the area I was [in] to call her,” she continued.
She’s curious how to even handle another betrayal from her husband.
Remorse, no matter how you have hurt someone, proves that you are taking ownership of the pain you have caused someone, and in the absence of that, I think there’s no hope of reconciling.
She shouldn’t have to beg or ask her husband at all to cut contact with his affair partner. She also shouldn’t have to wait around for him to pick her over the other woman.
Those facts, coupled with his lack of remorse, mean he’s just not as invested in saving their marriage as she is. I do not see why she’s still trying.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
