7 Signs Your Partner Is Undermining You
It’s Not Always Equal When It Comes To Love
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. Not everything is always going to be 100% equal in relationships. Some people might be better at handling the budgeting or cooking, while others prefer to take care of cleaning or making home repairs. And that’s okay.
In reality, the only three factors that must be matched by both partners are levels of respect, support, and trust. Without this trio, one person might end up holding more power and using it to control their significant other.
But Sometimes, That Inequality Can Be Used To Control You
When you think about “controlling” relationships, though, realize that shouting or blatant manipulation aren’t always the telltale red flags.
Sometimes, it shows up in quieter ways, such as being talked down to, emotionally withdrawn from, or made to feel like you’re always wrong.
Here Are 7 Signs Your Partner Is Undermining You
So, if you’ve ever walked away from a conversation with your partner feeling small, confused, or like you’re second-guessing your own judgment, they might be emotionally undermining you.
Here are seven subtle signs they could be trying to control you by chipping away at your confidence and independence.
1. They Treat You Like You’re A Child Who’s Incapable Of Making Their Own Decisions
Do you have a partner who frequently questions your choices, insists they know better, or acts as if you’re too naive to handle things alone? That’s not support; it’s condescension disguised as “concern.”
You are an adult with your own autonomy, and being with someone who’s constantly taking the wheel while saying they’re just “looking out for you” is manipulative.
2. Your Partner Stonewalls You If You Go Against What They Want
Silence should never be used as a punishment, particularly if you and your partner both want to resolve issues and help your relationship last. Still, it’s a common tactic employed in emotional manipulation.
They might give you the cold shoulder, withhold affection, or even take away financial support simply because you didn’t do something their way. Instead of compromising, your partner is taking power away from you and holding it over your head.
Remember that disagreements are bound to happen in all relationships, but love and respect don’t simply disappear because of them.
3. They Refuse To Hear You Out
It’s not just rude when your partner talks over you, doesn’t let you finish your sentences, or flat-out dismisses your opinion. They are essentially trying to erase your voice and input in the relationship.
This kind of behavior allows them to dominate the conversation and might push you to doubt your own thoughts and reality. Someone who loves you will listen fully, even when they don’t agree. Otherwise, it’s not a relationship; it’s a power play.
4. Your Partner Pushes You To Question Yourself
When someone consistently undermines your perspective, you may find yourself wondering whether you truly are “overreacting” or being “too sensitive.” This is gaslighting, and the mental confusion you’re experiencing isn’t accidental.
It’s intended manipulation that’s designed to make you feel insecure and dependent, thereby making you easier to control. Partners are supposed to validate your feelings, not play mind games.
5. They Make You Feel Guilty Or Like You Need To Be “Fixed”
While it’s true that the best relationships help both partners grow and evolve, the person you’re with should still love you for who you are at your core, as opposed to making you feel like you aren’t enough.
If your partner frequently critiques your choices, looks, or habits in an effort to change you and frames it as “help,” they’re being controlling rather than supportive. You’re not a fixer-upper; you’re a person who is worthy of love, just as you are, and encouragement when you decide to make changes for the betterment of your life.
6. Your Loved Ones Have Noticed The Power Imbalance
When the people closest to you voice concerns about your relationship, listen to them. Over time, even the most toxic habits and routines can become ingrained or seem normal, so your loved ones might see things you’ve become numb to.
Remember that your friends and family members aren’t trying to ruin your relationship. They just don’t like how you’re being treated and want to protect you.
7. You’re Unhappy And Always Walking On Eggshells
Finally, if you feel like you have to constantly watch what you say or do to avoid upsetting your partner, it’s a major sign that something’s wrong. You should feel safe being yourself, expressing your emotions, and having them received with kindness, not anxious about triggering a negative reaction.
True bliss is achieved in relationships that are equally supportive and compassionate. When that’s not the case, it’s time to reevaluate whether your dynamic with your partner is actually healthy.
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