7 Signs You’re Carrying All The Emotional Weight In Your Relationship
All Relationships Require Some Level Of Emotional Labor To Stay Afloat, But Romantic Partnerships Definitely Demand The Most
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. From supporting your significant other and validating their feelings to scheduling, remembering to complete responsibilities, and even resolving conflicts, consistent mutual effort is required to ensure both partners feel heard, respected, and equal.
But what happens when just one person takes on the bulk of the load? While this dynamic is (unfortunately) very common, it can still be tough to pinpoint, even as you become increasingly overwhelmed by your own relationship.
Here Are 7 Signs You’re Carrying All The Emotional Weight In Your Relationship
So, if you’ve been feeling disregarded and “in it” alone despite having a partner, it could be a sign that you’re stuck in a one-sided relationship. Here are seven distinct signs you’re currently carrying all the emotional weight by yourself.
1. Only You Initiate Tough Discussions
Every couple has to have difficult conversations from time to time, and it shouldn’t just be your responsibility to start them.
Regardless, your partner might avoid tackling issues at all costs, no matter how big or small they are. Whether it’s refusing to discuss an argument you had or making a decision about when you’re moving or changing jobs, they resist talking about it because the topic makes them frustrated or uncomfortable.
So, your partner may stonewall you, act passive-aggressive, or just pretend everything is fine. Spoiler alert: it’s not, and their inability to confront their emotions is forcing you to shoulder all the relationship tension solo.
2. They Hold Grudges Instead Of Communicating
And even though you might put more “work” into your relationship than your partner, they’re still bound to get upset or annoyed with you periodically. In this scenario, the mature response would be to talk to you about their emotions, right?
Sadly, that’s not how everyone operates. In an imbalanced (or immature) relationship, one partner might be unwilling or unaware of how to share their feelings with you.
This leaves them acting spiteful, holding onto grudges, or brooding, and puts you in the unfair position of trying to figure out why they’re upset, as well as how to fix it.
3. Your Partner Doesn’t Compromise
Relationships simply cannot last unless both people are able to compromise. First of all, problems will continue cropping up if you are the only person ever making concessions to keep your partner happy. Not to mention, you’ll (rightfully) become bitter about your partner’s lack of effort to make your life easier.
Whenever your partner gets irritated with a plan, situation, or even a conversation, are you quick to search for solutions, while they just shoot down your ideas?
On top of that, do they fail to suggest any other fixes on their own? This sends a clear message that you’ve been left to manage your relationship like a job without the help of an equally invested partner.
4. They Don’t Try To Understand Your Perspective
At its core, emotional labor is about showing up for your partner, accepting their shortcomings, and putting in the time and energy to satisfy their needs. However, anytime you bring two different individuals together, there are bound to be conflicting experiences, feelings, and overall perspectives at play.
So, part of being a dedicated partner is working to understand your partner’s feelings and POV, whether you agree with it or not. Sadly, if you’re in an imbalanced relationship, your partner probably doesn’t do that.
Perhaps they write off your emotions, claim you’re overreacting, and disregard you whenever you really just need a shoulder to lean on. This is another avoidant tactic that keeps them from truly supporting you.
5. You Feel Like The “Adult” In Your Relationship
I believe that a major upside to being in a relationship is having a partner to rely on as you navigate the ups and downs of life. But this dynamic requires two mature people who are willing to put equal effort into making your life together run smoothly.
Are you responsible for planning everything from date nights to family gatherings by yourself? Do you have to make sure chores get completed, bills are paid, and the kitchen is restocked with groceries every week? And what if you get sick or an issue at work pops up–does your partner pick up the slack, or does everything fall through the cracks?
Again, you shouldn’t have to manage your relationship (or your partner) as if they’re your kid. And if you feel stuck in a parental role, it’s clear you’re carrying all the emotional weight.
6. You’ve Become Resentful
Resentment isn’t a fun feeling to carry around, but it can be a really helpful emotion as you try to determine the kind of treatment you’re receiving in your relationship.
Spending time with your partner should leave you feeling fulfilled, not drained. Likewise, conversations should make you feel uplifted and valued, not overlooked.
If the latter is a common theme following all of your interactions with your partner, it’s understandable why you’d start to grow resentful toward them. And this resentment is a blatant red flag that you’re not getting the same amount of emotional care in return from your partner.
7. Yet, You Still Make Excuses For Them
Finally, no matter how much you know “deep down” that you’re getting mistreated, you may still find ways to justify the behavior simply because you love your partner.
Maybe your friends or family have picked up on their lack of effort, and rather than agreeing with them, you tend to get defensive and make excuses. Moreover, you might do the same thing to yourself, thinking that they’re just “stressed” or “tired” whenever they make you upset yet again.
But you have to remember how tired and stressed out you are, too. If your partner’s actions (or lack thereof) have become a recurring pattern in your relationship that you’re always having to justify, it’s time to wake up and realize nothing is going to change.
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