I’m a firm believer that being a mom is one of the hardest jobs you can hold in the world, and when you have a child who struggles with mental illness, it becomes a different kind of difficult, and one that’s often invisible to most people.
Showing up every day for a child who can’t get out of their own way, even when they’re well into adulthood, becomes exhausting, and she’s finally at the end of her rope.
This 54-year-old woman has a 31-year-old daughter who has been suffering from mental illness for some time, and they live together in a tiny little studio apartment.
Her daughter will not get medication, therapy, an evaluation, or confess to anything being truly wrong with her. Her daughter is a manipulative liar who constantly freaks out and runs over any boundary she attempts to set.
She’s stuck treading carefully in her own home, as there’s no telling what will set her daughter off next.
“She leaves food in weird places, damages the apartment, yells constantly, and twists every conversation into an attack. This morning, she told me about the mess she left in the kitchen: ‘It’s me coping. I’ll start heroin next,'” she explained.
“She says I hate her, that I never loved her. She weaponizes a moment when I broke down something I regret, but it doesn’t erase everything I’ve done for her for years.”
“I took care of her, supported her through her attempt to become independent while she was in school for 5 years (which she failed multiple times).”
All along, she knew her daughter wasn’t exactly normal, and she figured she had autism. However, her daughter’s behavior lately has gotten so much worse; she knows she has some kind of deep-seated mental illness.
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But since her daughter won’t get professional help, there’s no telling what’s wrong with her, and no resolution in sight.
She’s the only one in her daughter’s life who provides and shows up for her, but she’s done. Her daughter is wrecking her life, and she wants out.
She envisions a future that, well, does not include her daughter. Her plan is to move to another state and ditch her daughter, because her daughter will not agree to get better.
She gave her daughter another option: to travel to Europe and live with her mom for the next three months, but that wasn’t something her daughter was on board with either.
Her daughter has shut down all attempts to discuss her living arrangements, so she doesn’t think she has a choice but to leave her to fend for herself.
“But I can’t live like this. It’s destroying me. I feel like a hostage. If I go and something terrible happens… will I live with the guilt? I don’t know. But if I stay, I’m already dying,” she added.
“I want to hear from people who’ve actually done this. Mothers, fathers, anyone; did you leave? Did the guilt ever pass? Did the peace ever come?”
She’s spent 31 years putting her daughter first, and I don’t think it’s selfish for her to finally make herself a priority. It’s time for her to move away and find some peace and quiet.
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
