It’s all too easy to say you love someone from afar, but when that person is in crisis, and you don’t want to help them, doesn’t that reveal how conditional that love really is?
Five years ago, this man married his wife, Nora, who has a 10-year-old daughter from a previous relationship, while he has a 16-year-old daughter named Rhea from his first wife.
Rhea lives with her mom in a separate state, and that’s been her living arrangement for eight years so far. He had already gotten divorced from Rhea’s mom when they both had to move away for their jobs, and they came to the agreement that his ex-wife would have Rhea, but he would fly to see her monthly, as well as get her for the summers and alternating holidays.
This was tough on him to not get to see Rhea so much, but they’re all happy with how things panned out. Now, Nora has always told him that she thinks of Rhea like her own daughter and adores her, and it never occurred to him that she was lying.
“Without getting into it in too much detail, Rhea has been experiencing extreme bullying from boys at her school, and the school’s response has been abysmal for the level of harassment,” he explained.
“My ex and I have been in constant contact with the school, and the situation has only gotten worse all semester. Nora knows about all of this and has been very sympathetic when Rhea was talking about it here over Thanksgiving.”
“My ex and I have been planning on sending Rhea to a private school in the area next semester (there’s only the one public and one private one in the area).”
The bullying has gotten even worse for Rhea, and she called him a few days ago, crushed. His ex can’t figure out how to get the bullying to stop, and Rhea requested to come live with him since she can’t take it anymore.
He instantly told Rhea that she was welcome at his house and he would do anything possible to support her through everything.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
He then called his ex, who is heartbroken, but thinks Rhea living with him is for the best. His ex is going to try to get a new job or transfer to where he lives, but she feels it’s best for Rhea to relocate immediately.
Next, he told Nora that Rhea will be living with them shortly, and she freaked out on him. Nora was furious that he didn’t ask her before saying yes.
“She said this was too much of a change for her daughter and would disrupt our home too much, and as my wife, she should have a veto on it,” he added.
“I was shocked and honestly appalled, and told her she was being unreasonable. I wasn’t going to tell my traumatized daughter she couldn’t live with me because I needed my wife’s permission. She hung up on me.”
“That night I came home and she had sent her daughter to her moms, and she tried basically laying down: she didn’t sign up to be a full-time stepmom, she was saying no to Rhea moving in, and if I insisted on still going through with it then she would have no responsibilities towards Rhea and if I asked her for help she’d say no.”
He said that was insane and was the opposite of what Nora agreed to back when they started dating. He let Nora know that he will be reconsidering things in their life, like her kicking off next year as a stay-at-home mom.
Nora did settle down, especially after her own mom said she felt embarrassed by how she was acting. He figured if Nora’s mom was stepping in, that would get Nora to knock it off, but she’s been going around complaining to their friends, and some are on her side.
While Nora has been less combative, she’s been saying she’s not going to do a single thing for Rhea. Rhea does her laundry, can drive, and is a capable, independent girl, but Nora is being heartless.
Nora threw it in his face that any decision involving Rhea, like things having to do with money, has to get her approval first. He hasn’t asked Nora to help out, so he’s upset by how she’s still behaving.
Additional context: Rhea and Nora’s daughter get along wonderfully, so she doesn’t have a leg to stand on, arguing that Rhea will be disruptive to her own kid.
He and Nora also get along great with their exes. In fact, both of their exes attended their wedding. So it’s not like Nora is worried about his ex causing problems with Rhea under their roof.
“I’m starting to think this marriage is doomed, but I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong about what I did?” he wondered.
Nora is a hypocrite because her kid is living with them, so why can’t his? I would leave Nora if I were him. I can’t believe she doesn’t want to help out a teenager being bullied.
What do you think?
You can read the original post below.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
