It’s a big deal for your child to have their first sleepover at a friend’s house. It’s a milestone of independence, and it requires you to hand over something incredibly precious and trust another parent’s judgment.
But what would you do if you felt that your child wasn’t in a great situation, and you witnessed a parent engaging in alarming behaviors? Would you find an excuse to take your kid home, or let them stay anyway to avoid making a scene?
This 28-year-old woman had her 11-year-old daughter when she was only 16. Her own dad was incredibly controlling, and she thinks that’s what led to her sneaking around and becoming a teen mom.
“I can count on one hand how many out-of-home sleepovers I had, so I try to not be too strict on my kids because I know the trouble I got into behind my dad’s back, and it made it worse that I couldn’t be honest with him, however I do EVERYTHING in my power to keep my children safe,” she explained.
Now, her 11-year-old daughter has a friend named Amanda, who is a real sweetheart. She’s met Amanda and her grandma multiple times.
After her daughter and Amanda pleaded with her to have their very first sleepover, she reached out to Amanda’s mom to coordinate.
Amanda’s mom offered to let her daughter come to her house to spend the evening, and she said yes. But on the night of the much-anticipated sleepover, she walked into Amanda’s house, and her stomach dropped.
“When I arrived, the first red flag was that Amanda was home alone. It also REEKED of cigarette smoke to the point that my head started to hurt,” she said.
“I smoke sometimes myself, so when I tell you the smell was strong, it was STRONG. I stayed and hung out with the girls and Amanda’s dog for a little bit, and when the mom finally arrived, she was noticeably intoxicated and drinking beers. She was also with another woman, who was her sister?”
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“Who was also drinking, and her son. I’m not one to accuse people of the unthinkable right off the bat, but it just made me uncomfortable that an older boy was going to be at the home (he was about 17/18), since I’d never met him before. The mom was also smoking cigarettes in the living room.”
Worried about spoiling the evening for her daughter, she didn’t want to walk out of Amanda’s house right then and there and bring her daughter home.
Also, Amanda’s grandma had spent money on getting the girls everything they wanted to have for dinner, dessert, and breakfast. She even purchased snacks for them.
Nevertheless, she had such a terrible feeling about the whole sleepover, so she asked her husband to come up with an excuse to head over to Amanda’s house and bring her daughter back at 9 p.m.
When her daughter arrived back home, she was honest with her. Her daughter actually stunk of cigarettes, and said she wasn’t angry, but she’s left feeling so bad about how it all ended.
“The grandmother is so sweet, and the girls seemed to really be having fun, but it just wasn’t the best first impression, and I couldn’t shake it,” she said.
“I’ve been in bed sobbing for the last hour, feeling like I stole the experience from my daughter. To make matters worse, the mom called me and said that if I wanted to just stick to Amanda coming to my house, she was okay with it, so now I genuinely don’t know if I made the right decision or not.”
“I was just trying to follow my instincts, but it feels like I [messed] everything up. Please help.”
I think she did the right thing, trusting her intuition and not putting her daughter in a potentially unsafe situation. And since Amanda’s mom doesn’t seem to be bothered by her wanting to keep playdates or sleepovers at her house, it’s a win-win.
From here on out, she should just invite Amanda for sleepovers, and it sounds like everything is going to work out well. In closing, never apologize for choosing safety over the risk of hurting someone’s feelings.
What advice do you have for her? Is she overthinking this, or is a house full of drunk strangers and chain-smokers a universal no for any parent?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
