After years of trying for a baby together, you would assume that means a couple wants the same thing. Overcoming fertility struggles alone is proof of how badly some people want to be parents.
He made that assumption, only to have his wife back out and change her mind about a baby as soon as she got pregnant.
This 37-year-old man and his 39-year-old wife both have problems with fertility, so he thought they wouldn’t be able to have a baby without finding a way to pay for IVF.
But after three years of trying, his wife is miraculously pregnant…except now, she wants to terminate.
“I obviously do not. She claims it’s not the right time and she’s not ready, because she thinks her depression will make her a bad mom, or because she has sleep issues, or she just thinks it’s ‘the right thing to do,'” he explained.
“I know it’s her body, her choice. I can respect that. But…man, why spend so long trying, why do so much, why make me so attached to the little baby just for 10 weeks, for her to decide she doesn’t want it? I don’t get it, and she won’t tell me anything more than it’s not time, she’s not ready, she doesn’t want it.”
“I don’t think our marriage will last if she goes through with it. I can’t stay without someone who would do this.”
It’s not the termination alone that he finds so upsetting; it’s the whole process they’ve gone through and the fact that he didn’t think it was possible for them to be parents, and now here he is, thrilled, while his wife doesn’t want to do this.
He and his wife have invested a ton of love, money, and time into trying for a baby. They even told all of their family members and friends they’re expecting as soon as his wife received a positive pregnancy test.
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They have bought a bunch of things for their baby and have gotten their home ready for their bundle of joy over the last month.
“And then just throwing it away, especially at our ages. I am utterly heartbroken. I feel like everything I’ve done in this relationship was a mistake,” he continued.
“My poor baby may be killed just like that…I’ve been working a job I’m not overly fond of for so long, because that was the only way I could afford a baby and to save for one…”
“Got our house paid off. Zero debt. All this work I’ve done in preparation for the baby, she has been a housewife thus far, all for nothing. And she’s upset at the fact that we probably won’t last if she does this. But is still keen on doing it.”
His wife already made the appointment for next week, and he doesn’t have it in him to go along with her. He can’t be supportive of what she’s about to do.
The 7-week sonogram photo of his baby is forever something he will think about, and he feels devastated.
I’m afraid that his wife’s depression is worse than he realizes, and he should sit down and have a heartfelt conversation with her. He can try to convince her to see a doctor or a psychiatrist before making any decisions.
She very well could be scared, and that’s not abnormal. But talking to a mental health professional is the best first step. Then, if his wife is still adamant about terminating, perhaps a divorce is in order.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
