The great poet Rumi had some fabulous advice that I really love to live by at this point in my life: “Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates. At the first gate, ask yourself, ‘Is it true? ‘ At the second, ask, ‘Is it necessary? ‘ At the third gate, ask, ‘Is it kind?”
His words are a great way to filter yourself, which is often necessary, especially in the context of dating. It’s not helpful to overshare or provide a potential love interest with way too much information, as it can backfire on you, as he just found out.
It was two days ago that this man matched with a girl on a dating app, and the sparks flew fast between them. They exchanged phone numbers and moved their conversation offline.
They spent an entire day texting back and forth about a variety of different topics, and he was super excited about this girl as a romantic prospect.
“I’m literally imagining my future with her, it’s going so well, and we’re both enjoying getting to know each other. Then she briefly mentions that she broke up with her ex in November,” he explained.
“No big deal, I think. So to reciprocate, I tell her about my ex and how we broke up last summer, but have occasionally hooked up since then, until the last time, which was in January.”
“She goes quiet, says that’s really awkward that you’re telling me about that. I apologise for giving TMI, but about 3 messages later, she says she’s no longer interested and blocks me. It was a complete 100 to 0.”
He really can’t believe he messed up that royally by providing her with a dose of honesty. He wanted to be forthcoming instead of keeping his ex some kind of a secret.
He last slept with his ex back in January, and right now, she’s got a boyfriend, so they have not spent any time together in light of her new man.
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But anyway, he’s upset about how things went down with this girl from the dating app, since it’s unusual to find an instant connection like that.
“I know we hadn’t met in person or anything yet, but we had a date set for Friday, and she already said she’d come over to my place. Rant over, thanks for listening,” he continued.
Yeah, he did mess up big time with oversharing about his ex. No girl wants to hear that you’re still sleeping with the girl you broke up with; that should stay an ugly secret.
While what he said about his ex is true, it wasn’t helpful or kind for this girl, who was interested in him, to hear about. It’s just not a good look to sleep with your ex, let alone admit that to a girl who wants to date you.
He came across as impulsive, messy, and like there’s the potential for him to go back to his ex, so why would a girl go out with a man like that?
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
