If your partner wanted to get pets, then forced you to pick between them or your animals, what would you do? Would you save the relationship, or side with your pets?
This 28-year-old woman has been dating her 28-year-old boyfriend for the last three years. They moved in with one another pretty quickly, and they’ve been attached at the hip ever since then. She loves him and can picture spending the rest of her life by his side.
One year ago, they had a conversation about getting pets. While she really wanted to get cats, her boyfriend didn’t like how much hair they have.
Instead, her boyfriend brought up getting birds, since he thought they sounded like neat pets. She had budgies (parakeets) when she was a kid, and she knew everything about taking care of them.
So, she and her boyfriend decided to get budgies, and it’s been pretty rough since adding them to the family. Both of the birds they got had some serious illnesses and required visits to the vet and special food.
Then, one of their birds broke their beak, which means she has to go to the vet every two to three weeks and is on a specific diet.
“I am paying and taking care of everything, food, toys, vet, meds, etc. My BF has never really bonded with them. He told me he feels uncomfortable in our living room because the birds are there and they make noise when he plays guitar,” she explained.
“He says he ‘gets nothing out of them’ emotionally and that they only stress him. He imagined them to be like in those Instagram and YouTube shorts where they fly to and hang out with you.”
The birds aren’t feral, since they can be touched and will land on your hand to be fed snacks, but her boyfriend thought they would be a whole lot friendlier than they are. Ah, Instagram vs. reality.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
Yesterday, she had a lengthy conversation with her boyfriend, and it ended in him giving her an ultimatum: they’re breaking up if she doesn’t find a new home for the birds.
Adding to the stress, her boyfriend revealed that he can’t promise he will still want to be with her if she rehomes the birds, as they have been going through some disputes lately that have left him doubting that they have a future together.
She came up with a few compromises for her boyfriend in an effort to save their relationship while also keeping the birds.
“For example, I even suggested renting a small second apartment (which I might have access to through a friend’s family) and keeping the birds there as well as turning it into my ‘office’ (I work from home most of the time),” she said.
“That way, he wouldn’t have to live with them. But he said that would be ‘a step backwards’ because it would feel like I was moving out, and he doesn’t want that either, bc it just feels like a slow breakup.”
“The thing is: If I give up the birds and the relationship still ends later, I would feel horrible about myself for abandoning animals that depend on me. I don’t know if I would be able to forgive myself. I was thinking of going back to school to become a vet. My love for animals runs very deep.”
However, she adores her boyfriend, and it pains her to think that she could lose him. If their relationship ends, she thinks it will mean losing everything.
She will no longer have him, her house, or the future she’s been looking forward to. She will have to rebuild her life from nothing.
She’s not sure if she should pick her boyfriend, the man she loves, or her pets.
If somebody loves you, they won’t force you to rehome your pets simply because they’re not everything they dreamed of. It’s sad that her boyfriend can’t see how much the birds mean to her, and he should have invested more time in working with the birds to make them as friendly as he wanted.
I also find it alarming that he’s told her he can’t guarantee their relationship will survive even if she finds the birds a new home. I think she should choose the birds and let her boyfriend go.
It’s great she can rent an apartment through her friend’s family, and she should jump on that. Time to pack the birds and fly the coop!
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post below.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
