There are unquestionably a few fundamental things that you and your partner need to be on the same page with in order to have a successful, long-lasting relationship.
Marriage is one of those serious topics a couple has no choice but to agree on, and if one of you wants to tie the knot while the other doesn’t, do you think it can ever work out?
This 43-year-old woman has been dating her 52-year-old boyfriend for the last six months. Now, she’s a widow, and her husband passed away at 48 in a car accident. It’s been a little less than three years since she lost her husband, and they were married for two decades.
“Yes, I got married young. While it wasn’t always perfect, I did love him, and he was my person forever. I had always sworn, even before he was gone, I would never want to get married again,” she explained.
“That fact was really settled when about a year after his passing I dated a guy who was a massive narcissist, controlling and manipulative. The things that man said and did to me in the 9 months we dated sealed it for me, never wanting to marry again.”
“Fast forward to now, I have told my boyfriend about my past, about how I don’t want to get married again, and frankly, the fact that I know I’m still working through a lot of trauma from both situations.”
They have had several chats in the last few months about how she will never, ever get married again, and she thought her boyfriend was respectful of that.
Not too long ago, they traveled together for the first time so her boyfriend could meet her family. Her loved ones adored him, since he is a wonderful man.
It’s also worth adding that their relationship has been completely amazing so far. Her boyfriend has no red flags, only green ones. He always makes her a priority, and he helps her feel appreciated.
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On the last evening of their trip, they went out to dinner at a restaurant with her whole family. 12 people were in attendance, including her closest friends, cousins, mom, stepdad, uncles, grandma, and aunt.
Well, as dinner came to a close, her boyfriend did something that shocked and horrified her… right there in the middle of the restaurant, with her family as the audience.
“At the end of dinner, he got up from his chair and, in front of everyone, knelt down and proposed. I was so embarrassed, and it took me several seconds to reply,” she said.
“I finally said no, [grabbed] my purse from the table, and walked out. I did wait outside for him since we had gone there together. I wasn’t going to just take off. But on the way back to the hotel, we tried to talk about it.”
“He made a couple [of] comments about how I had embarrassed HIM, and he never expected me to say no and walk out like I did. I tried to express how I was the one embarrassed, and he should have expected that, given the many conversations we had about it. He tells me that he thought if my family was around and everything was good, I would just change my mind.”
It goes without saying that the return trip home was full of silence, tension, and discomfort. Her friends and family members have messaged her, stating she could have accepted her boyfriend’s proposal to spare him the humiliation.
Then, she could have privately spoken to him when they were alone about how getting married doesn’t align with her interests or goals.
She doesn’t agree with her loved ones and thinks it would have been wrong to have said yes to save her boyfriend’s feelings. That would have only given her boyfriend a false sense of hope, and she would have been tasked with breaking his heart later.
Anyway, since coming home, she and her boyfriend haven’t said anything to one another, and they haven’t been out on a date either.
“I didn’t want the relationship to end. I would have been perfectly happy with the way it was going at the moment. I even would have been willing to move in together down the road,” she continued.
“I just don’t want to marry again. But I’m starting to feel bad, and maybe could have ‘just gotten engaged and left it there,’ as some have also suggested.”
Do you think she was mean to reject her boyfriend’s proposal in the restaurant?
I think her boyfriend was out of line here, not her. He obviously has no respect for her, and it’s not cool that he tried to force her to change her mind about marriage by proposing in front of her whole family in a public setting.
Not only is her boyfriend manipulative as well, but he stomped all over the one boundary that she set with him. I think she needs to dump him.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
