I do think there is truth to hypocritical people feeling envious or insecure about those they choose to judge and criticize. How would you feel if your spouse used to hold their ex’s gender identity against them, only to later express wanting to transition themselves?
This woman’s husband was married once before her, and he has a daughter named A from that marriage. A’s mom had a tough time with wanting to transition to being a man throughout the years.
“My husband used this against her; he fought hard to limit her visitation, claiming it was unhealthy for their daughter to be exposed to those ideas,” she explained.
A has been in her life since she was 3, but as she grew up and hit adolescence, she started saying she was confused about her own gender.
Her husband instantly condemned A’s biological mom for coaxing her into thinking this way, considering her own struggles.
“Shortly after this time, he began opening up to me, his current wife, about having always had questions about his own gender,” she added.
“This was completely new information to me. Shortly after, I discovered he had been cheating on me with men, both in person and online. In his online relationships, he was presenting as a woman.”
She ended up filing for divorce. A is currently set to transition after spending a period of time as non-binary, though before she started to transition, she was very girly and loved makeup and nails.
It wouldn’t shock her to find out that A’s mom is probably transitioning now as well. She does have a child with her husband, B, who is talking to their son about how he is not going to be a boy any longer since he’s turning into a girl.
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“I’m not against any of this, but I am overwhelmed, hurt, and lost,” she continued.
She’s not sure how to have a conversation with her young son about all of his loved ones transitioning to new genders. She’s also not certain how she can coparent with a man who is becoming a woman, yet used to be antagonistic towards the very people he criticized.
“How do I manage my own feelings, the betrayal, the whiplash, the anger at the hypocrisy?…I love my child, and I want to do right by them. I just don’t know where to start,” she concluded.
Wow, is she dealing with a lot, and I think a therapist is in order, so she has someone on her team to help her work through everything being thrown at her.
I also believe her son needs to see a therapist, too, since there is no roadmap that exists to handle situations like this. Accepting a spouse for wanting to transition and showing them grace can be tough enough on its own, even if you don’t plan on staying with them, but her husband choosing to cheat on her before coming out definitely made this more painful than it had to be.
He’s not a good person, and him having a hard time coming to terms with his own gender identity isn’t an excuse for what he did to her.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
