Trust is a finite resource that, once broken, requires complete transparency and consistent effort to rebuild. So if your spouse had a history of cheating on you and you learned that they had gone looking for their ex on social media, what would you do?
This 35-year-old woman has spent the last eight years with her 40-year-old husband, and three years ago, they got hitched. They have four children, who are 1, 4, 6, and 12. While her oldest isn’t technically her husband’s son, her husband has essentially adopted him.
Now, her marriage has been a total rollercoaster, and it’s because of the things that her husband has done to her over the years.
“He has cheated on me in the past and [has] a history of talking to multiple girls online before we got married. It was so devastating for me, but I decided to stay and compromise,” she explained.
“We also had an issue of financial infidelity and one lie after [another]. My deal is, we’ll work it out, and he must stay away [from] the things I am not comfortable with if he’s serious [about] gaining my trust back.”
“Last year, he met with a guy friend from high school, and I discovered that he was searching online for his ex, [whom] he was head over heels [in love with] in the past. They also had another activity, [which] I am not going to go into further.”
However, when that other activity went down, she was pregnant, and her husband caused her so much stress that she went right into labor and had to undergo an emergency C-section.
She had a chat with her husband about his actions, and she told him she was uneasy with what he did. Additionally, she said she didn’t want him searching for his ex on social media.
He claimed he no longer had feelings for this girl and would not do this again. But in February of this year, her husband traveled overseas, and the kids were playing with his tablet, which he had left behind.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
He was still logged into his Facebook account, so she looked through it and realized that he had gone looking for his ex despite telling her he wouldn’t.
She challenged her husband, who made up an excuse about how his sister and brother-in-law were having a discussion about how he had learned to drive thanks to his ex, so he was trying to find the car they used to have via her account.
She reminded her husband how she felt about him doing that, and then this month, their daughter accidentally clicked on his Instagram account, and she saw he was looking for his ex there.
She suspects her husband didn’t think she would catch him if he switched to a different social media platform. She confronted him yet again, but he had no reason why for her this time, and she’s still enraged.
“I know, to some, it might be petty or shallow. But we had issues in the past, and we’re working on bringing the trust back. I have always been the main provider of the family, and I feel insecure with myself after giving birth to three of his kids,” she continued.
“He doesn’t really take me out on dates, no quality time together, no gifts or flowers too. I feel neglected at times, and I am also overwhelmed with work, taking care of the household and kids, and dealing with this emotional turmoil.”
“Are my feelings valid? Or am I just being petty and shallow? Am I overreacting? What should I do?”
I mean, her husband already cheated on her, she forgave him, and he’s still doing shady things. At this rate, he’s going to keep on walking all over her while doing things behind her back, since he has suffered no consequences and obviously doesn’t have any remorse.
He’s proving time and time again that he’s not trustworthy, so she can either accept that and stay with him or decide that’s not good enough and walk away.
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post below.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
