Putting a label on a relationship is the only way to ensure both people are actually participating in the same reality. Without that kind of a clear conversation, one person is usually investing in a future while the other is just enjoying the convenience.
If you spent months sleeping with someone and thinking that meant you were in a committed relationship, only to have them introduce you as just a friend when meeting their family for the first time, what would you do?
Last weekend, this woman met what she thought was her boyfriend’s family for the first time after spending the last seven months with him.
It was his sister’s birthday on Sunday, so she was invited to attend the birthday dinner. She got her hair all done up, purchased a present, and put on a dress she knew he loved seeing on her.
When she walked in to meet her boyfriend’s family, he introduced her as his friend to his aunts, his cousins, his mom, and his dad.
All she could do was smile and say hello. She tried her best to hold it together while laughing, eating, and pretending nothing was wrong.
“I drove home and sat in my car in my own driveway for 47 minutes. We have been whatever this is for 7 months. We talk every day,” she explained.
“He’s been to my apartment more times than I can count. I’ve met his best friends. I know his coffee order, his childhood trauma, [and] what he looks like when he cries. But apparently, I am a friend.”
The following morning, he sent her a text to say he had a great time with her at his sister’s birthday dinner, and she said she enjoyed herself too.
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She didn’t confront him because she didn’t think she had the right to. She didn’t want to make things awkward. She didn’t feel entitled to ask for something he never promised her.
“I keep telling myself I knew what this was. But did I? Did I actually? Because somewhere between month 2 and month 7, I stopped just hanging out with someone and started building a whole life around a person who has no label for me,” she continued.
“He’s not a bad person. That’s what makes this so hard to explain to people. He never lied. He never made promises he broke. he just never made promises at all. And I filled in all the blanks myself.”
“I think that’s the thing nobody tells you about situationships. The damage isn’t done to you. You do it to yourself. Slowly. Sillily. Hoping the story turns out differently. Anyway. I’m not going to text back today.”
My heart goes out to her because it’s a terrible feeling to think you mean more to someone than you actually do. It’s so sad not to be on the same page as a guy, either.
At least now she has an answer as to what they are: just friends with benefits. The way I see it, she has two ways to play this. She can actually try to talk to him about being more than friends, or she can let it all go and move on.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
