If your dad pretty much replaced you with his wife’s kids and spent years casting you aside in favor of them, would you start pulling away?
This 22-year-old girl’s mom and dad got divorced when she was pretty little, and she still maintained a wonderful relationship with both of them after they split.
But then her dad seriously started dating a woman (now his wife) when she was 13, who had three kids from a prior relationship, and she began feeling like she didn’t exist.
“At first, I tried really hard to be understanding. They were younger, they needed more attention, whatever. But it became a pattern,” she explained.
“One year for my birthday, my dad promised he’d take me to a concert I’d been talking about for months. The day came, and suddenly one of the younger kids wanted to go to a theme park instead. Guess where we ended up. Dad told me we’d do my thing another weekend. We never did.”
“Another time, he picked me up for one of our weekends together and spent almost the entire day helping one of the kids prepare for a school competition. I sat around waiting because he kept saying we’d hang out afterward. By the time he was done, he was tired and wanted to stay home.”
The most hurtful incident was the day her dad forgot about her dance recital. She called and texted him to try to find out where he was, and he then arrived close to an hour late.
Apparently, he took his wife’s kids out to get ice cream after their soccer game, and while he said sorry, he told her they would have been upset if he hadn’t been there.
There were numerous times that her dad picked his wife’s kids over her, and when she would try to address it with him, her dad called her childish and jealous.
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In time, she quit conveying her feelings to her dad, and she moved out of the house at 18. She has not been as close to her dad since leaving home, and lately, he’s been calling her, asking her to come visit while saying his wife’s kids really miss her.
“He keeps referring to me as their big sister and saying they love me and ask about me all the time. The thing is, I don’t feel that connection,” she continued.
“The last time he brought it up, I finally asked him why I should be expected to have a relationship with them when I spent years feeling ignored in favor of them. He got upset and said none of it was their fault. I said maybe not, but it doesn’t change how I feel.”
“Since then, he’s been calling and texting, saying I’m punishing innocent kids. I keep asking the same question: where was all this concern for family when I was the one being pushed aside? I know the kids themselves didn’t do anything wrong, but I honestly don’t want a relationship with them, and I don’t know if that makes me a terrible person.”
She’s left wondering if she’s being unfair.
Her dad is definitely being manipulative, and I don’t blame her for not wanting to have a relationship with him because he did replace her with his wife’s kids.
Her dad failed to show up with her when she really needed him, and that’s unforgivable. She should keep her distance and stop feeling guilty about it.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
