If your spouse messed up royally and asked you to keep their secret in exchange for paying for your divorce and not seeking alimony, what would you do?
This 35-year-old man has been married to his 28-year-old wife for three and a half years, and from the start, he and his wife struggled with compatibility.
“The spark in the marriage was never really there, but we kept trying to make it work. A few months ago, my father complained to my mother-in-law about my wife’s behavior and her habit of going to her parents’ home for long periods,” he explained.
“After that, my wife left and stayed with her family. About 1.5 months later, my mother-in-law called and made it clear that my wife would not live with my parents anymore. Eventually, to save the marriage, I agreed to move out of my family home and rent a separate place with my wife.”
“This was devastating for my parents, especially my mother, who struggled emotionally with the idea of her son moving out and leaving her alone. I tried my best to balance both sides: supporting my parents while also providing my wife with the separate home she wanted.”
On May 5th, he and his wife moved into their new apartment, and ever since, he’s been managing both that place and his mom and dad’s household, working night shifts, dealing with staff shortages at his job, and combatting stress from his family.
He got home from work at 1 a.m. yesterday, and then he did some chores before falling asleep at 2:30 a.m. At 10 a.m., he woke up to his landlady ringing his doorbell because a carpenter was with her to do some repairs.
He tried to find his wife and caught her sitting out on the balcony, taking photos, editing them, and sending them to someone on Snapchat.
She didn’t realize he was silently watching her, but when she did, he questioned her about what she was doing before asking her to hand over her phone.
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“At that point, she became extremely distressed and refused to unlock it. For over an hour, she refused despite me calling her mother and brother and asking them to tell her to unlock it,” he said.
“Her mother said she couldn’t force her. Her brother became defensive and asked what would happen if I found nothing. Eventually, after a long confrontation, she agreed to give me access. What I found completely shocked me.”
“There were Snapchat conversations with another man involving flirtation,…messages, comments about kissing, physical intimacy, and hotel plans for an upcoming Friday. There were discussions about meeting at a hotel from 12 p.m. to 9 p.m., swimming, spa plans, and messages like ‘can’t stop thinking about you.'”
He saved copies of everything and left their apartment. He told his family and his wife’s family that she was cheating on him with her male coworker, and went to stay somewhere.
He fully anticipated that his wife’s family would be upset or surprised, but they just told him that they would make sure to handle his wife.
His wife has since given him information for a lawyer. She told him she will not seek alimony and will pay for their entire divorce, but he has to not tell her company she’s cheating, or shame her publicly for it.
“I’m feeling anger, sadness, relief, betrayal, and confusion all at once. My question is: If you were in my position, what would your next steps be? Would you consider reconciliation after something like this, or would you proceed directly toward divorce?” he wondered.
This marriage is over and done with, and he really should say yes to that divorce. His wife couldn’t make it any clearer that she doesn’t want to be with him, so what’s there to work on saving?
There’s also no fixing his wife, who obviously has her own set of issues. He should let her go, be happy he doesn’t have to pay alimony, and work on not being so enmeshed with his parents, because I can see that being a major turn-off to any future partners.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
