If your spouse suffered an accident that left them permanently disabled, and they took their anger out on you, would you still want to be their caregiver?
Eight years ago, this 34-year-old woman married her 36-year-old husband, Jake. She used to say they had a great relationship, but she wouldn’t have called it flawless.
Three years ago, Jake was in a terrible motorcycle accident. While he managed to survive, he was left with everlasting injuries and can no longer walk on his own, needing someone to help him.
Jake was also not able to go back to his job due to his disabilities, and it changed the course of his life. In the year following the accident, she did everything she possibly could for Jake.
She cooked, cleaned, drove Jake to appointments, assisted with his physical therapy, ran their household, and held down a full-time job on top of it.
“I barely slept and honestly felt like I was drowning, but I loved him and wanted to support him,” she explained.
In time, Jake grew extremely hostile towards her. He threw insults at her, said she didn’t do enough for him, and compared her to the spouses of other disabled people online who dedicated their lives to being caregivers.
“If I came home tired from work, he’d tell me I was selfish. If dinner was late, he’d complain for hours. If I wanted to spend time with friends, he’d accuse me of abandoning him,” she said.
She reminded herself that Jake was having a tough time due to the accident. She suggested that Jake go to support groups or therapy, but he declined and said she was his issue.
A month ago, she finally had had enough of Jake. This all occurred on a day when she arrived home worn out after working a 10-hour shift.
She cooked Jake dinner, and he insisted that she had to drive him to the other side of town so he could get takeout since he disliked what she made for him.
She replied that she was too exhausted, so Jake called her useless and smashed his plate on the floor, which caused her to snap.
“I told him I was his wife, not his servant, and that I couldn’t keep sacrificing my physical and mental health while being treated like garbage,” she added.
The following day, she moved in with her sister and said to Jake she will financially help him out or even get him a professional caregiver while he figures out his next steps, but she’s done.
“Now his family is furious. They say I’m abandoning a disabled man when he needs me most and that marriage means staying no matter what. Some of my friends agree, while others say I’ve already done more than enough,” she continued.
She doesn’t hate her husband, and she does feel horrible that he’s disabled. However, he has taken her for granted and abused her verbally since the accident, and she can’t take it anymore.
She’s left wondering if she’s wrong for no longer caring for her disabled husband.
She needs to tell her in-laws they’re welcome to step into the role of Jake’s caregiver and see how they fare with such a bitter, angry man.
To be clear, she is not walking away from Jake because of his disability; it’s his attitude and how awful he is. Jake’s disability doesn’t give him an excuse to act that way.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
