The future either pulls you closer together or shows you cracks beginning to form. She wants a life built around her home and family.
He wants a partner who proves herself in the outside world. That’s not really something you can find a compromise on; that’s two separate lives disguised as one.
Three years ago, this 28-year-old woman met her fiancé, who is ten years older than she is. She knew from the start that her fiancé had been married once before, and he had three kids with his ex-wife.
“I found out later that their relationship went downhill after he started making a lot of money and wanted her to quit her job to be a full-time mother,” she explained.
“She refused, and after 2 years of therapy, etc., he left because they didn’t want the same things anymore. I have already been introduced to the children, and I get along well with them and the ex-wife.”
She has discussed what she envisions the future looking like with her fiancé, and when she admitted she plans on being a stay-at-home mom, he was taken aback.
Her fiancé even looked let down when she said that to him, and he insisted that he wanted her to keep working, since that isn’t what he wants. He expects his future Mrs. to climb the corporate ladder along with him.
She hates her job so much that her dream is to be able to quit, so all she has to focus on is her husband and children. Her fiancé said that if she hates her job, she should plan on finding a different career or even go back to school because he needs to be with an ambitious woman who desires a career of her own.
“Can anyone tell me why he would treat me so differently?” she wondered.
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Well, I think it doesn’t make sense for her to quit her job and play stay-at-home mom to her fiancé’s kids, since they already have a mom of their own.
But it does sound like she intends to have children one day, and perhaps her fiancé is done with that, so he could be trying to convince her to focus on her career to avoid talking about that.
There’s also the possibility that her fiancé didn’t tell her the truth about why his first marriage came to an end. Regardless of what’s underneath it all, I think it’s a problem that they’re not on the same page regarding something so important, so therapy might be a good thing to try before walking down the aisle.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
