Love is supposed to grow with time, but what happens when the person you love keeps changing right in front of your eyes, and not for the better?
For him, watching his wife’s beauty evolve through years of procedures hasn’t made him love her less, but it’s made it harder to recognize the woman he fell for. She’s transformed beyond recognition, and while the love is still there, the attraction isn’t, and it’s tearing him (and their marriage) apart.
For two decades, this 42-year-old man has been with his 39-year-old wife, and he says that they have honestly built an amazing life with one another.
He has always thought of his wife as the most stunning woman alive, and he’s never felt the inclination to look in another girl’s direction. To him, his wife was so flawless that if he had the choice to change something about her, he wouldn’t dream of it.
Five years ago, his wife developed an interest in Botox injections, and while he was against it, he recognized she could do what she pleased with her body.
“I noticed pretty soon after that her smile changed. Her whole face didn’t light up like it did before, and it made her smile look fake and forced, but I didn’t say anything as she seemed happier,” he explained.
“Then she asked me what I thought of lip fillers. I told her I didn’t like them, and her lips were perfect to me. She had them done, and I’ll be honest, I never liked them, and it felt horrible when we kissed, like I was kissing another woman. Then it was cheek fillers.”
“Then she had a nose job despite [my] begging her not to. I know it’s wrong as it’s her body, but I wasn’t looking at my wife anymore. Then she did something with her eyes, which made her look like a cat. Her most recent one is comically big boobs.”
His wife was a B, and then she upgraded to an F. She also lost a ton of weight and went from 147 pounds to 112 pounds. Along with all of these changes, she began piling on the makeup.
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He’s not really sure what his wife’s reasons are for wanting to dramatically change her appearance, because she hasn’t had anything go wrong in her life.
She’s excelling in her career, she’s happy in their marriage, she’s active on social media, and a normal selfie would rack up more than a thousand likes, but that wasn’t something she prioritized or sought value in.
Actually, his wife was always a touch humiliated to get so much attention from strangers. But after all of her changes in her appearance, she lost followers, and the latest selfie she shared hardly got any likes at all, which did upset her.
“I’ve tried asking her why she has felt the need for all this, and she’ll just say she wasn’t happy with how she looked, and in her head, she genuinely thinks she looks better now,” he added.
“I’ve tried to gently suggest therapy, but that didn’t go down too well. She’s started asking now why I don’t want [to sleep together] as much anymore, and I’m trying to make excuses like I’m tired or just getting older and not in the mood as much.”
“She spoke to me yesterday and said if something doesn’t change in the next month, she wants to open the relationship as she’s gone from [hooking up] nearly every day to once a month at most. I actually felt a wave of relief when she said that, which is terrible, I know.”
So while he no longer finds his wife attractive due to all of the cosmetic and plastic surgery she’s had done, he is still in love with her personality.
If he had to pick between remaining in his marriage and never sleeping with his wife again or losing his wife and getting to sleep with another woman, he would choose his wife over the other options.
He feels like his life would be meaningless without his wife in it. But he’s curious about whether he can teach himself to regain his attraction to his wife.
I don’t think he’s shallow for struggling with this. When someone changes how they look over and over, of course, how you connect to them shifts too.
He’s grieving the person she used to be, and I’m not sure he can convince himself to find his wife attractive with her new looks. I think he should talk to her honestly, not about the surgeries, but about what they’ve both lost in the process of her alterations.
Vulnerability just might create a small spark, and if it doesn’t, at least he’ll know he chose love over pretending.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
