When a partner not only ends a relationship without warning but does so after years of emotionally manipulative promises about having a child, the damage isn’t just to the heart.
It’s an act of theft; of time, hope, and emotional capital during a critically short biological window. Her dilemma, since finding out that her ex has a rare STD, is whether or not to tell him what’s going on.
It forces us to consider where the line lies between moral obligation and justified self-preservation in the face of immense personal cruelty.
This 40-year-old woman’s 41-year-old ex-boyfriend is one of the worst people imaginable. She says he’s truly awful. He was a nasty boyfriend to her, and he’s egotistical.
Back when she first met him, he stated that he would like to be a dad one day and was hoping they could try for a baby after a year of dating.
Two years into being with her ex, he finally said he was ready to start trying to have a child. But one week after that, he walked out on her without saying sorry or offering a reason.
He pretty much never talked to her after that, but he did send a text letting her know that he was going to come fetch his furniture from her house.
Making it all even worse? He admitted to her, not long into dating, that he had pretty much done the same thing to his ex, so she can tell he has a history of being an awful boyfriend.
“I started to go through the process to have a baby on my own. On that journey, I learned that my ex had given me a rarely tested for STI that can prevent pregnancy,” she explained.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
“You’d never know you had it unless you saw a really good naturopath or doctor and were tested with a swab. Luckily, I found out, so I could take medication to fix it and test again to ensure it was gone. But I’ve not told him he’s got it. I don’t talk to him/never talk to him/feel sick at the thought of having to talk to the jerk.”
“I’ve gone through 6 rounds of IVF solo and failed each time. I’ve been unlucky, but my ex also led me on for my last two years of fertility when I could have conceived. Part of me hopes he fails to ever have a child with any eventual partner because of this STD.”
She’s left wondering if she’s somehow a jerk for not wanting to disclose to her ex that he gave her an STD that will prevent him from being a dad.
She was led on, abandoned, and infected; an act that fundamentally stole her most valuable resource: time. Her private hope that he may never achieve fatherhood because of the STD isn’t a sign of malice; it’s the healthy, human cry for consequence.
She is entirely justified in feeling this way. In life, truly awful people often escape their reckoning, but here, fate has offered a rare chance for a karmic strike without her having to lift a finger.
The definitive advice for this woman should be unambiguous: She has zero ethical, moral, or practical obligation to tell him this medical information.
What do you think?
You can read the original post below.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
